Katy Perry And John Mayer Break Up, World Miraculously Continues To Keep Spinning

In news that will make no one stop and cry, Katy Perry and John Mayer broke up. Okay, you’re right, I should back up.

Did you know Katy Perry and John Mayer started dating a few months ago and tried to get our attention with some G-rated PDA in cars? That happened and it’s possible you didn’t even know because it’s incredibly boring celebrity news. Two celebrities with two very healthy self-esteems start dating. There’s no public fighting, no cheating allegations and no pregnancy rumors. Naturally, we didn’t care.

Sometimes it’s like celebrities really don’t get it. If your relationship doesn’t lead to a Hollywood love triangle, an incredibly cute child or a felony, we just don’t want to know about it. Sorry we’re not sorry for wanting to look up to people who make worse decisions than us.

But now they’re broken up and sources are telling Us Weekly that Katy’s really upset about it. Which is interesting because John Mayer’s fedora just called us and said John’s doing fine. He’s over it and already into someone else. Literally, his penis is in someone else right now.  In fact he’s so into his new ladylove that he’s debating re-activiating his Twitter account so he can write offensive and intimate things about her.

And that’s the latest in mediocre celebrity news.

(Photo: Pacific Coast News)

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