Leonardo DiCaprio Wants To Paint The Heartbroken Rob Pattinson Naked, Allegedly

Everyone who’s anyone wants to know all the deets about the alleged bromance blossoming between Leonardo DiCaprio and Rob Pattinson. Did you think I meant to type Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson? WRONG. Forget K.Stew for one second and your fantasy that the two are having hot make-up sex as we speak.

Because that’s not happening.  Not when our boy Rob’s busy packing for a trip to a secret party in Puerto Rico with Leonardo DiCaprio. A secret party that may or may not be all made up. Who knows anything anymore!? (Spoiler alert: not me!)

While I assumed that Leonardo DiCaprio would be all “who is Robert Pattinson?” he’s actually been all like, “come to my secret party in Puerto Rico with me and party away your woes!” According to Sugarscape, Leo’s kept an eye on young Rob ever since the days that people starting comparing the two actors.  I guess now he wants to actually meet the guy who people say could, maybe be the next Leonardo DiCaprio. (When did this happen? Did Rob paint Kristen Stewart like one of his French girls at some point in Twilight?)

And I totally understand that. If someone out there kept being compared to the next Jenni Maier, I’d also want to meet them — and ask them how they tame their hair on humid days. It’s quite the challenge for me.

So Leo’s down there in Puerto Rico now, playing producer and finishing up his film Runner, Runner (a movie we guess is about a runner who repeats every thing he says twice). And like all men with a healthy dose of testerone, he wants to throw his wrap party at a secret destination with a disgraced male celebrity as his guest star.

The theme of the party will likely be Robert Pattinson, Robert Pattinson and Leo will make at least one toast that he’s running, running from his problems, problems.

Where will Kristen Stewart be while Leo shows R.Patz how to have sexual relations with a supermodel? Hopefully at a therapist’s office, because according to the story-maker-uppers at Hollywood Life, she’s nearing a mental breakdown. A breakdown complete with sleepless nights,  tear-soaked pillows and the ghost of Jodie Foster’s essay about her.

And that concludes my update on Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. Stay tuned, because I’ll probably have more information based on rumors and hearsay in the next hour. Maybe the next half-hour if one of the two actors decides to show up again in L.A.

(Photo: Joseph Marzullo/WENN.com)


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    • S

      I read about this the other day Jenni. I mean this could be slightly true (some parts: Leo Dicaprio wanting to hang with RP) who the hell knows what’s going on. This scandal is getting to be too much. I mean, I just wish people would get over it and stop babying RP.He is a grown man, I’m sure he will be okay. RP is so handsome,that it’s crazy. He has dated a model before, and can have anyone he wants, anytime. He has people throwing themselves at him,left and right. This guy has to probably carry a stick to beat them off. He has a ridiculous bank account,which will only get larger. His career is going good and he has some really good projects coming up. He got alot of good reviews for Cosmo and his movie is doing good here. Everyone loves him, and he is insanely popular. So why do people feel sorry for him?lol. It’s just so funny. And Jenni, did you read that article in the Hollywood Reporter, about how KS apology backfired on her. As well as how people need to stop acting like it’s the end of the world she cheated. The article was saying that she needs to not apologize anymore and get back to things. That people who are hating on her are bunch of hypocrites etc. Basically, saying what you’ve said about this scandal.

      • Dillinger910

        You do know this article is recycled right. Check the comment above yours, IG got the gist of it. It just reeks of desperation when you have to re-use a story.

      • Jenni

        I didn’t know it was recycled! It sounded vaguely familiar, but everything does with this couple. My apologies! My apologies!

      • Dillinger910

        I wasn’t refering to you. Love your stories to much for that. I meant other sites, bringing it back up.

      • Jenni

        Sigh of relief! Thanks…and yes, one site in particular publishes 10 stories a day on Robsten with no new news. Just “sources” and “insiders” and other things that contradict each other.

      • northGAgirl

        Yes…how many times can you spin the same story by writing it from a new angle or with words from a different source. @Jenni_Maier:disqus , great writing…please keep it up, I’ve forwarded your articles all day long (especially the “Just a few more romantic gestures” one.

      • Jenni

        Stopp, you’re going to make me cockier than R.Patz at a secret party in Puerto Rico.

      • Jenni

        Just read THR and agree with all of it. I just don’t understand why it’s anonymous.

    • Irish Girl

      This same story ran a couple weeks ago on a few sites,actually, and then I noticed it croppin’ up again on HL–who evidently is so desperate for a story that they not only make them up now; they recycle OLD made up stories. *snort*

    • M

      Jenni, So there is ANOTHER person that is apparently reaching out to RP…..that is Rihanna. So now they are saying that Rihanna has been texting RP, offering him support. And that they have been texting eachother. And more stupid sources are saying that they are flirting it up. I know Katy Perry is good friends with Rihanna, so you never know. With so many people reaching out to RP, soon we will be hearing that the Queen of England is reaching out to Rob. Can this get situation get any more crazier? I hope not.

      • Jenni

        He’s going to need a new phone plan soon between all these celebrity texts AND heartbroken Kristen Stewart texts.