• Wed, Aug 22 2012

Rihanna Says Her Cock Hurts From Dick Riding, Exposes Herself As PR Guru

Another day, another completely vulgar Rihanna tweet that needs deciphering. And who better to decipher than the Official Crushable Dick Riding Team?! A team, I’ll have you know, that would have competed in this year’s Olympics if the global community would have just signed our petition making dick riding a legitimate sport.

So let’s begin. A few hours ago Rihanna tweeted out the following message, “So much dick riding that my cock hurt!” with a photo asking fans to vote for her to win a VMA.

While at first, I thought maybe Rihanna was just sharing a little Sunday morning brunch gossip with us about her sex life, I’m now not so sure. Because not only did she throw in a casual reference to her injured cock, but she also used this as a campaign slogan for the VMAS. Which makes me feel old.

Is this what the kids are saying now? Is this a way of expressing affection for your fans? 1485 retweeted this and 736 people favorited it, so it has to mean something that I just don’t get.

Or she’s just combining two completely different messages in one tweet.

As a self-proclaimed social media expert, that’s a bold move. So bold, that it might just work. It catches you off guard. And it gives bloggers something to talk about. Would I normally post a photo of Rihanna promoting her VMA run? No. Not when One Direction did something exciting, like wink at a fan and cause a stampede. But this, THIS kind of vulgarity from a female performer is GOLD. 100% Internet Gold.

We got cocks, we got dicks. We have women riding dicks with their cocks. It’s a recipe for success.

In fact, I just got so excited thinking about it that I registered the site www.dickridingmakesmycockhurthomeremedies.com. It will be up and running by tomorrow. If you’re interested in interning, please send me a 140 character resume telling me about your favorite dick riding experience.

In the meantime, I guess vote for Rihanna. She’s our last great hope to get the Crushable Dick Riding Team into the 2016 Olympics.

 

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  • Cee

    This is not the first time she has said something about her “cock.” I find it pretty disgusting and childish. But maybe she might turn out gender queer?

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  • Dinnyq

    She’s hilarious. The girl is just having fun, nothing serious. If a guy said this, no one would be speaking about it. Rihanna is known to be raunchy, this isn’t shocking.

  • http://abigbuttandasmile.com/ A Big Butt and a Smile

    Sounds painful.