Naked Photos Don’t Impress Me, Call Me When A Prince Harry Sex Tape Shows Up

Last night the world went wild with the news that TMZ obtained naked photos of Prince Harry playing strip billards in his Las Vegas hotel room. Crown jewel jokes ran rampant and by the time I woke up this morning everyone knew about the royal scandal.

Call me  cold-hearted,  call me jaded and yes, even call me a Pulitzer-winning journalist, but don’t call me for my opinion on these photos.

I’m not interested.

Sorry. I thought we were all functioning adults here. Adults  who go to work every day and pay our bills and raise our children. Frankly, I thought we were adults who wouldn’t settle for anything less than a sex tape when it comes to celebrities baring it all.

What’s that classic Hollywood saying? I think Matt Lauer used to say it to Katie Couric all the time back in the golden days of The Today Show. It’s something like, “seen one penis, seen them all. Seen one sex tape, need to see so many more!” It’s never been more true than this balmy August morning.

So here’s my proposition to you America. Let’s not all go bananas over a few nude photos of Prince Harry. Let’s have a little self-respect and a little dignity and hold off on the accolodes until we get the real thing.

Nay, until we demand the real thing. Either Prince Harry releases a sex tape or we’re holding him hostage and not letting him go home to Britain.

Let’s make today the day that we not only bring back American pride, but also international kidnapping charges. Who’s with me?

(Photo: Pacific Coast News)

 

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    • Carly Matthews

      seriously, who writes this sh*t?!

      • Jenni

        I don’t know. We’re looking for the culprit as we speak. Please send all tips our way as we want this “writer” arrested immediately.

    • lizzy

      He’s getting a lot of the “boys will be boys” treatment – but would a princess being photographed in the same situation be treated that way? I think not. And you know some gold-digger will be selling the story, or a video….What’s next, his baby mama trying to get a DNA test on Jerry Springer? Guess he’ll be getting a new security team….

      • Jenni

        We should be so lucky that we get a Jerry Springer DNA test episode devoted to Prince Harry. Fingers crossed.