• Tue, Aug 21 2012

Want A Shot At Fame And Fortune? Use The Fifty Shades Generator To Create Your Own Erotic Bestseller

Fifty Shades of Grey lorem ipsum generator someecards spank you maybe laters babyWhen I worked on the NYU newspaper, when we needed to measure out text on the front page but before our articles were ready to input, we used a lorem ipsum generator to fill in the space with Latin gibberish. It was more utility than entertainment, however, but I’m now proud to announce that someone has taken this technology and made it better. May I introduce you to the Fifty Shades of Grey Generator, where with the click of a mouse you can create endless combinations of graphic erotica that’s at least as skilled as anything E.L. James cooks up.

Here’s a tasty excerpt from the mommy-porn novel I’m shopping around. Let me warn you, it’s a bit NSFW so you might get hot and bothered reading it at your office…

The mixture of Mr. Hanky and love mayonnaise in my soft tight anus created the delicious sphincter sauce that he was so fond of. It was bliss having his vein cane slid inside me again; stuffing my herring hole with a 15″ spiked vibrator just didn’t get my hairy spunk dungeon squirting like it used to. Now, I’ve seen more helmets than Hitler, but the sight of his blood-engorged mayonnaise cannon made my flange custard dribble like a broken coffee maker. The seemingly never-ending streams of love piss emanating from his flesh gordon soon had me coated like a plasterer’s radio. Leaving my panties sunny side up on the floor was the least of my worries as his wensleydale wand shoved deeper into my ring piece.

“I’ve seen more helmets than Hitler”? I don’t even know what that means, but I’m running with it! All I have to do is make sure my hero cuts a fine figure in his three-piece suit but is still emotionally damaged, while the heroine is so vague and blank that any female reader can project onto her. Or, I can just use the generator when writing Crushable articles, instead of the usual TKTKTK placeholder while I’m looking up facts and quotes.

God bless whoever thought this up, because it’s just genius, and might even be sexier than what James is trying to pass off as believable BDSM erotica. The only omission I’ve noticed in these passages — and I generated quite a few to get the gem I presented you with above — is that there’s no mention of the inner goddess. My own merengue-dancing alter ego is not impressed.

Photo: mariliza13 on Tumblr

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