As a native Tampon, I’m so thrilled to see Tampa finally getting the recognition it deserves in the mainstream media. Sure, we get profiled from time to time because some of our teachers date their students. And yes, 1 out of every 3 insane WTF alligator stories that you hear comes straight from the heart of Tampa. And obviously, we’re proud to tell everyone that our very city got to see Channing Tatum strip before Magic Mike was even a hint of a thong in someone’s male stripper supplies store.
But still people aren’t as shocked as they should be when I tell them that’s where I ‘m from. I mostly get an “oh really, but you’re not even tan” rather than a “holy shit, I’m aghast that you’re from Tampa because everything about it is out of control looney tunes crazy, down to the fact that you drove past 6 strip clubs on the way to high school every morning!”
So needless to say I’m so thrilled the GOP decided to hold the 2012 Republican Convention there. Finally, I can openly talk about Tampa. Like did you know that it’s illegal to buy alcohol before 11 AM on Sundays, but it is legal to put a strip club next to a drive-in fast food restaurant.
How many sins can you commit in that one block radius? I estimate 6.
Not only will the whole world finally get to formally meet Tampa, but Tampons get to see their city profiled in amazing videos like this one from Funny or Die. The charming faux-Grinder ad waxes poetic about how much they’re doing to prepare for the convention and the hordes of horny men who will need an easy way to find a hook-up at the end of a long day. From the 1-2 openly gay republicans to the closeted senators trying to pass laws that discriminate against themselves, Grindr promises to please everyone this year.
And unlike the beachfront Tampa pictured in Magic Mike, this video goes for realism. That’s right, we have a lot of not-so-scenic highways.
(Photo: Crazy Wheelies)