11 Things That Need To Happen To Make Married To Jonas Watchable

As an avid watcher of The Virgin Diaries, I eagerly sat down to watch Married to Jonas last night. I naturally assumed that the show would be a cross between Real Housewives of New Jersey and Downton Abbey. An interesting peek into the home of Kevin Jonas and his wife Danielle Jonas (AKA Danielle Deleasa). That they’d speak openly about what it’s like to be playing house in a New Jersey mansion before they can (easily) rent cars. How it felt to lose their virginity knowing the whole world knew they were losing their virginity. And finally how they deal with the fact that gay rumors swirl around Kevin Jonas like he’s the second coming of Tom Cruise.

But instead it felt like a very special episode of “Wah! I want to get pregnant, but my famous husband who probably only has a few bankable years left on him wants to go on tour. Wah!”

Thanks, but no thanks. You might have great prom down-do hair Danielle Jonas, but your uterus’ occupancy status bores me. In quite the same way Kevin’s facial hair attempt unnerves me. However, that doesn’t mean all hope is lost. If E! makes the following 11 changes to the show, I think they have the potential to be the world’s best reality show.

1. They need a more enticing opening montage. Their family isn’t anywhere as exciting as the Manzos and it’s silly to pretend like we want to meet them all. I’m thinking more explosions. Literal explosions happening throughout the montage. Also phallic symbols. Just bananas and Eiffel Towers and dildos floating around the screen. Sometimes symbolism really sets the mood for a show.

2. Without a doubt, the house that Kevin Jonas shares with his wife Danielle is too small. Yes, it’s big by normal American standards. But he’s a rock star (in the same way that Uncle Jesse was a rock star) and his house needs to be more ostentatious. I didn’t see one indoor basketball court or even the hint of an authentic 1920s boardwalk outside. It’s small enough to make me think that they don’t even have gold-plated toilet seats. For a guy who claims he’s a pop star, he’s sure lacking on the ridiculousness that other celebs have in their homes. I didn’t even see one random celebrity lurking inside the house.

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    • http://twitter.com/jonasfansiran JonasFansIran

      If all those 11 things happen then its NOT a reality show its a fantasy show …you want crime ? you want excitement? go watch an action film HELLOO!!! This is a reality show a real life thing which is boring which need to be REAL !
      You mixed up totally

      • Jenni

        Oh. I did get a reality show mixed up with an action movie. Do you think Kev would make one with Dani so I can see all these things happen?

    • Kelli

      I agree with the facial hair comment. Let’s go a whole different direction entirely. How about the whole show revolving around Nick and Joe taking showers. Now there’s a concept for an interesting reality show. Come on Seacrest produce that.

      • Jenni

        Haha, if you throw in a family of octuplets, I’m sure TLC would gladly produce that show.

    • Caleb

      can we take a moment to discuss how annoying Danielle’s sister Dina is?

      • gross family

        At least she is a lot better looking than that hideous sister. Danielle looks like she is wearng a Nixon mask. What an unbelievably ugly girl.

    • Quinn

      This is actually the stupidest thing i’ve ever heard. you do realize these are people’s lives you’re talking about? ridiculous…

    • http://www.facebook.com/RachelILunn Rachel Lunn

      I think this article was hysterical… some ppl seriously kill me with those comments… ppl seriously think that show is reality? Reality would’ve been Married to Jonas… Kevin and Danny’s story… a big burly man that isnt afraid of PDA with his recently out of the closet husband, Kevin, now finally himself, smiling and laughing, spending their days like the inner old man he is… church festivals, yard sales, morning coffee at Mc.Donald’s. Danielle can tell her own story… on ID’s Who the Bleep Did I Marry? She can find her fame on every talk show on America spilling the beans on what it was like to be married to a gay man, each show subtitling her interviews, while she is just “sooo tired” in her benzo-ed induced haze.

    • Mary

      Oh my God get a life. If you don’t like it, don’t watch it. Trying to be funny with your sarcasm only makes you look rificulous.

      • Jenni

        No Mary, I think YOU look rificulous!

      • Mary

        Why do I look ridiculous?

      • http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/ abbeysbooks

        A little cruel jenni. I love it!

    • bridget

      If they had a gigantic mansion you would say that they were crazy for buying such a big house for only two people…
      Face it, even if they did all those 11 things you say, you would still be finding some reasons to complain. You just don’t like them, nobody’s saying you have to. But that negative speech only makes people think you’re jealous.

      You probably don’t give a shit for what I’m saying, the same way that Kevin Jonas and his wife, or E!, or their fans do when you write those things.

      That’s all I’m saying.

    • http://ninnelson.com/ Nin

      I don’t have time for this show. I watch really good shows.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4hXdsVUnp4

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