• Mon, Aug 20 2012

After Watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey, I’m Sure Joe Giudice Cheated On Teresa Giudice

They all sit down to a gorgeous birthday dinner for Caroline on the top of hill overlooking the vineyard, and everything is going wonderfully. Everyone is crying and happy and getting along quite well. Joe Giudice says some nice things about maintaining his friendship with these people and everyone keeps on crying. Is everything finally hunky dory with the Jersey troops? It seems that way! That is until Joe Giudice gets a text message and leaves the table to “call work.”

The following is a transcript of what Joe Giudice says on the phone to a mysterious person before his “bitch wife” comes up and interrupts him:

“Hey! What are you doing? Oh! Don’t even tell me that! *weird grunting noises* We’re actually celebrating Caroline’s 50th birthday up here. Hold on. Here she comes. My bitch wife. She’s such a bitch. Anyway, I’m gonna hang up. I’m gonna talk to you, like whatever.”

When Teresa comes over to confront Joe and ask him who he is talking to, he starts speaking Spanish! And talking about some guy named Pete! He was definitely not speaking Spanish 15 seconds earlier when he was making weird sex noises, so I’m going to go ahead and assume that Joe Giudice is a lying, cheating SOB. It seems that everyone, except Teresa, is privy to Joe’s extracurricular activities. And as Caroline puts it, “I feel bad for her.” Damn, I do too. What a scumbag. But it’s just like, dude, you’re on a reality TV show! You’re mic’d up! Why would you take that phone call? Clearly, he is not the juiciest grape in the vineyard (see what I did there?).

After unknowingly catching Joe talking to mistress, Teresa begs her husband to have sex with her in the vineyard. Subconsciously, I think she knows exactly who he was on the phone with and in order to remind him of who he is married to, she wanted to give him some pooty-tang. He is so not into it and practically begs her to get off of him. He won’t even kiss her in the morning. It’s all just very sad to watch. I can’t really imagine how Ms. Giudice feels watching this all back today.

The next night before dinner, the ladies are all still talking about Teresa and her respective crumbling friendships with each of the ladies. Kathy is really concerned that she is being completely left out of “family bonding” between Melissa and Teresa. After their tiff about the recipe book, Kathy wonders if she can ever be close with her cousin again. Poor Kathy! What I don’t understand is why these women want to be friends with Teresa? She’s awful! You’re doing yourself a favor by taking her out of your life.

The gang settles down to dinner and toasts start to being. Chris Laurita gives a very nice, brief one that thanks everyone for coming and yadda-yadda, but hold onto your hats, everyone. Teresa has something to say too! She starts yapping on about how much she loved spending time with her brother and sister-in-law and then gives a “happy birthday” shout out to Caroline. Everyone kind of awkwardly cheers to that, except for Caroline who is angry at Teresa for not mentioning her cousin Kathy. My heart is bleeding for Kathy! Teresa is just filled with 100 kinds of evil. At least the Manzos are there to cheer her up.

It looks like in next week’s episode the wine starts flowing and the real feelings that have been building up this entire road trip finally explode! Amen! Hallelujah!

(Photos: Bravo TV)

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  • http://twitter.com/Kukulet Kukulet

    Not Spanish. He was speaking Italian. I doubt Joe Guidice also knows Spanish. He can barely speak English.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jean.born Jean Born

    Has anyone stopped to consider how humiliated Theresa’s girls are going to be when they hear about the Grape Grope that happened for everyone to see? Poor little sweethearts.

  • KellyShae

    First of all, ‘everyone’ has their point of view, period. It’s a freakin reality show, and it certainly does not affect my life or bills at the end of the day. It’s sad to see women especially their age groups acting this way on national television. What bothers me the most, being a mother, is how this will affect their kids in the long term. I have watched all the ‘HW’ since day one starting with OC, 7 yrs ago, and it’s my escape and guilty pleasure.
    Why take it seriously as though we know them. They are all wrong at one time or another in every episode. I could go on and on. I enjoy Bravo and pretty much all the shows. I am happy as a viewer as a way to release and see, wow, my life isn’t that bad afterall. Just saying….

  • rhonda st

    I think teresa has very low self esteem. When a woman defends herself as she does when it comes to her husband, she knows its true yet doesn’t want to acknowledge. Any man that calls his wife a cunt is abusive. Talk to any cop or professional. Its also a huge indicator of physical abuse. Due to being italian and a catholic she will do anything to keep her marriage together even if it is at the expense of her losing her entire soul in the process.

  • rhonda tarry

    The show is my guilty pleasure. I am amazed how these people act.. I wonder if when watching the series back they are embaressed on how they acted. Talk about cheating… teresa should say to herself… If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck its a freaking duck. Be a role model for your girls or they will end up putting up with crap from the men in their lives. She is certainly not setting a good example!

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