• Sun, Aug 19 2012

Ryan Lochte Challenges Himself To Pick Up Girls Wearing The Ugliest Bathing Suit Ever, And I Challenge Ryan Lochte To Shut The Hell Up

It’s well-documented by this point that we, as Americans, have completely lost control over Olympic gold-medalist Ryan Lochte‘s ego. It was one thing to be obsessed with him when he was swimming in Olympic races for to win America glory and success, but our continued adoration of him now that he’s back to bro-ing out poolside sans medals is making him unfit for society.

A while back, Ryan apparently designed the least masculine swimsuit imaginable. It’s a tight pink Speedo with silver stars on it, and for some reason he wore it at one event and then showed it off to Jay Leno on his show, but didn’t actually put it on. Until now. Ryan created a social experiment which is designed to completely infuriate the average human being: he challenged himself to pick up girls while wearing said Speedo. Also please note that that wasn’t girl singular, it was girls plural. Because of course it was. And because the world isn’t a fair place, of course he was successful. I mean, how could he not be? The guy beat Michael Phelps out for a gold medal, and he did it on national television — of course he’s gonna make the panties drop. Unfortunately the glimmer of his stupid swimmer body outshines the ridiculous glare coming off his U.S.A. grill and his stunted personality.

BUT MAY I SAY. If you take a look-see at Ryan Lochte’s Little Ryan in those TMZ pictures, it leaves a lotta something to be desired. Is he tucking? Is it camouflaged by one of the silver stars? Where is your little swimmer pee-pee, Ryan? Until that question is answered, I will decidedly not be one of the girls you pick up poolside in Vegas and take back to your cabana.

So quit asking.

(Image: DJDM / WENN.com)

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