This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: Ryan Lochte’s Ego Is Officially Out Of Control

Good job America, we’ve really gone and done it now. We gave Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte an incredibly huge ego. And we know that once American heroes get egos, they get engaged to a Hemsworth and cut off all their hair. Or they cheat on their significant other with a no-name director. Or worse, they turn into Ryan Seacrest.

Not only does Ryan Lochte think he’s an actor because he guest starred on the upcoming season of 90210, but he also think his signature phrase “jeah” deserves to be trademarked and merchandised. Sure he’s fun to look at and sure he helped me to enjoy the Olympics more, but now he’s gone too far.

Trademarking a catchphrase isn’t innocent behavior. It’s the first step on a long road of ghost-written memoirs, guest-hosting gigs on The View and a high profile relationship with an up-and-coming starlet. We’re about to go on Ryan Lochte overload.

Before long that cute little face won’t delight you. It will make you angry, irritable, frustrated and in 3% of cases, downright murderous. So we have to stop him now before it’s too late. Do NOT, under any circumstances, purchase anything that has the word “Jeah” on it. Not only will making that purchase feed this little ego machine, but it will also be cliche and out-dated in just a few weeks.

If we put our minds together (and our wallets away) we can reverse the damage we’ve done. Like putting anti-wrinkle cream on a middle-aged face, we can make magic happen.

Let’s win one for the team!


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    • Larissa

      lifelong competitive swimmer here…respect the talent…but dear god this clown is embarrassing. I’d rather smoke pot with Phelps any day.

    • Mary

      Haters going to hate. It’s called making money when you dedicate you life to a sport that isn’t making money like basketball. Smart business decision if there is profit involved. He’s not dumb…he knows that right after the Olympics he would be the most popular…capitalize on that and make as much money as possible that will sustain you for the next several years as you train for the next Olympics. Smart move to me whether you think “jeah” is dumb or not. Yeah people hate Kim K. too and she is laughing last with millions of dollars in her bank account. Lastly he hasn’t done ANYTHING remotely controversial in my book compared to other athletes and celebrities.

      • andi

        I’ve seen this exact same comment on another website. You guys trolling just to get the same message out? I’m hoping you’re just an over-eager fangirl because if this is Lochte’s agent’s work, that’s just too Hollywood too soon.

    • Gab

      I don’t quite understand how he can trademark something he obviously didn’t make up himself. “Jeah” is older than he is (heeey, Spicoli).

      • Jenni

        you know we only have a 5-second span of attention.

    • lizzy

      comes across as someone who will crash and burn – and likely end up a story with a sad ending

    • Amyranth

      TL:DR. That GIF is pure magic though. And I think people are misconstruing his slight naivete and easygoing-to-fault personality for douchebaggery.

    • Becca

      Am I the only person who thinks Ryan Lochte might have a nice body but has a weird face and is nowhere near as hot as Nathan Adrian? And whose mom speaks to the international community about her son’s sex life? And who seems to have a low IQ? I hope his ego gets deflated soon because he doesn’t even deserve it other than he is a fast swimmer.

      • Kat

        I think she meant “he has one night stands” the same way my mother and other people in past generations meant it: He goes on a lot of first dates with women that don’t turn into second dates or relationships. Before our modern usage (a one night stand as a one night in the sack type of situation), it simply meant going on one date with someone and never following up. I saw an interview she did with the BBC here in London, and it is clear she is not a native English speaker. She was born and raised in Cuba, I believe, and was simply misusing a phrase.

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