In two days we’ll get the chance to go inside the home of Kevin Jonas and his wife Danielle Jonas in their new E! reality show Married to Jonas. I’m already bored. But then again, I’ve never loved the Jonas Brothers as much as other people. Sure, I found their music catchy. But I also found their purity rings turn-offy. Sorry, I’m not sorry JoBros.
I just don’t get the point of telling everyone you’re a virgin. If you are, you are. If you aren’t, you aren’t. They always seem like a more subtle of telling the world that anyone who isn’t wearing one is a whore. But that could be my whore self talking. I did sleep with the entire basketball team in middle school. And that’s the high school basketball team if you’re asking. By the time I walked across the stage to get my high school diploma, I could tell you intimate details about 90% of the men in my graduating class — and 43% of the faculty.
That’s just what happens when you don’t wear a purity ring. You put an “open for business” sign on your vagina. It’s clunky and it affects your fashion choices, but that’s the way the world works.
As far as I understand, the other two Jonai, Joe Jonas and Nick Jonas, sold their purity rings to the devil a while back. But I could be wrong. I’m sure Jonas Brother fans will gladly let me know if that’s the case. (All I ask is that we keep the death threats to a minimum this weekend.)
But Kevin married Danielle as a virgin. And based on the interviews I keep seeing and reading leading up to their show’s premiere, I get the vibe that Kevin Jonas may still be a virgin. There’s nothing factual to back up my statement. Just an instinct. And the fact that he poses with Danielle in a cousin/acquaintance fashion — and not a “boom, this is the woman who stole my v-card” way.
So in the spirit of a completely irreverent Friday afternoon conversation based on pure instinct, weigh in below. Is Kevin Jonas still a virgin? Or am I just trying to troll Jonas Brother fans in an attempt to get murdered this weekend?
(Photo: Nikki Nelson / WENN.com)