• Thu, Aug 16 2012

It’s So Cute How Little Kim Kardashian Understands About Money. And Toilets.

My day wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t read at least one Kim Kardashian story that made me want to retch. Seriously, I made sure that was in my contract when I started working here. “You must allow me to read and report on one retch-able Kardashian story every single weekday, with the exception of national holidays.”

And today’s story  comes from the semi-reliable Hollywood Life. So while it may not be true, it sounds believable enough that I feel comfortable sharing it with you and treating it like a factual story. So please, feel free to read it and mass email it to everyone you know who hates out-of-touch celebrities.

Here goes. (Pretend I’m on a stand-up stage)

Me: Guess how much Kim Kardashian thinks a house costs?!

Loving audience member/heckler: How much!!

Me: Less than the automatic flushing toilet she bought herself because she’s such a huge germaphobe!

No seriously, Kim Kardashian allegedly bought a self-flushing toilet and happily said she’s excited to have a toilet more expensive than most peoples’ houses. Hollywood Life drops the number $100,000, but the only toilet that expensive is this one covered in Swarovski crystals. And I doubt she owns it.

Yep, I did some research and I think people are either paying  a lot less in rent than me or Kim Kardashian has no concept of money

Here’s what I discovered.

You can attach an auto-flushing device to your toilet for around $149.99 – $399.99. Or, if hate accessories and the public-mall-vibe when you’re home, you can purchase the uber-deluxe Toto neorest toilet  for a little over $5000.

From an article titled, “World’s Most Expensive Toilets,” the Toto neorest sounds phenomenal.

What more do you need, when doing your business, than your standard lavatory offers? Toto’s most expensive toilet, the Neorest 600, has a wide range of features to answer that question. For starters, the lid automatically opens whenever you approach the toilet. As soon as you rise from your state of the art porcelain throne, it automatically engages its Power Catalytic Air Purifier function. Six seconds after you’re out of range of the toilet’s sensor zone, it will automatically flush and close both the lid and the seat.

For those functions that aren’t automatic, there’s a wireless remote control. A button-press can open, close or warm the seat, change the water temperature, perform a powerful “Cyclone flush” instead of the automatic light flush or control the Washlet functions you’ll use to tidy yourself up after using the expensive toilet.

What more could a person want out of a toilet?! Yes $5000 is expensive. But it’s still not approaching the average cost of a house — which was $221, 800 in the 2010 cenus. (I know, I’m a regular Harriet the Spy today with my research.) So praytell,

So where does that leave us? Either Kim Kardashian purchased the toilet on the International Space Station for 19 million dollars or she actually believes a home costs less than $5000. Both are possible and both disturb me.

Oh and enjoy flushing your own toilet tonight suckers!

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  • Alexis Rhiannon

    I can’t believe they let Kim Kardashian go into space before me.

  • EKW

    I am NOT a Kim K fan at all, by any means, and I LOVE making fun of her but I’d like to be the Devil’s advocate for just a moment and suggest that she was more than likely exaggerating and doesn’t ACTUALLY think her toilet costs more than most people’s houses. It sounds like maybe she was alluding to its extravagance…just sayin’. Either way though, she’s an idiot.

  • brian felds

    raising money for the poor my ass… *no pun intended*

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