One Direction fans continue to prove that there’s nothing more horrifying than a passionate fan base willing to do anything to protect their idols. In the latest news that will remind you to never have sex with Harry Styles, we find out that a One Direction magazine featured a voodoo doll of Caroline Flack.
In case you live in a place where tween culture doesn’t dictate your days, let me fill you in. Caroline Flack is the 32-year-old TV presenter who slept with the 18-year-old Harry Styles. Despite this being a completely consenting fling, faithful directioners didn’t take it well.
The US magazine featured a picture of Flack with pins sticking out of her, highlighting her so-called “crows’ feet” and “dirty blonde dye job”. It criticised the 32-year-old for dating Styles, who is 18, saying “date boys your age, not your shoe size” and added: “Note: zero engagement rings. Because no one wants to be with her.”
First of all, that “date boys your age, not your shoe size” doesn’t even make sense. Unless Caroline Flack has grotesquely large feet. If we assume that she has the standard size foot, this would imply Harry Style is closer to 8 and a half years old– and not 18.
Second of all, come on. Voodoo dolls are so unoriginal. I’m not saying to murder Caroline Flack creatively. But rather, come up with another outlet for your jealously. Like creating a Harry Styles tumblr full of hilarious GIFs. Or Getting a tattoo of yourself with all the boys — Niall Horan, Harry Styles, Zayn Malik, Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne – with your face front and center.
Those are healthy ways to act out on fantasies. Dreaming about killing someone via a voodoo doll isn’t.