Ever since Miley Cyrus revealed her new choppy haircut earlier this week, everybody’s been having a whole lot of feelings about it, including Miley. Through the magic of Twitter, we’ve all been privileged to join Miley on the roller-coaster of emotion she’s been taking ever since those scissors made their last fateful snip. At first she loved the cut, then she covered it up to avoid it being photographed on the street, and now she’s yelling at all us h8terz who can’t mind our own business and respect her for the skin she’s in. Whoa, Miley, whoa. I’m no doctor, but is it possible that you’re just projecting your own feelings about your haircut onto us? Personally, I have absolutely zero opinions about your haircut, how ugly it is, or your constant attempts to get attention. That said, as soon as people start throwing around comparisons to the 2008 downward spiral and subsequent head-shaving of Britney Spears, my little blogger ears perk up. Because you see, no one is better at downward spirals and (almost) bouncing back than Britney. It’s a win-win situation once you start to spiral — go further down and you get more press. Things go well for you for a couple weeks or months or years, and you’re making a comeback. It’s an endless media cycle of ups-and-downs and you can ride it for the rest of your life. Miley Cyrus would almost be smart to climb aboard that gravy train and ride it straight to the Mashed Potato Mountains.
BUT. I don’t think that’s what she’s doing. I’m not a doctor, or a wedding planner, or an expert of any kind, but someone gave me a computer, so I’m going to tell you my opinions.
I am almost one hundred percent positive that Miley Cyrus might be possibly planning to have a Britney Spears theme for her wedding to Liam Hemsworth. Sure, she hasn’t released a date yet for the happy event, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t started planning. This haircut is just the first cog in the machine, so everything matches. If I had to guess, I’d say Miley’s planning on having a four-tiered wedding cake, with each layer a different flavor: Xanax, vodka, Ambien, and frappuccino. Her dress will be designed by Vera Wang out of a trendy patchwork of all of Britney’s old wife beaters, and Liam has already started his McDonalds diet so he can fit into his K-Fed costume for the big day. Their reception will be held in a trailer park, and instead of a bouquet, Miley’s gonna throw a tantrum in front of her guests and shave the rest of her head.
You have to admit, in the modern age of celebrities throwing out all the stops for big, memorable, million dollar weddings, this is a great way to stand out and be an individual. And if we’re lucky, she’ll document the whole thing on Instagram so we can watch live as all the younger guests play a rousing game of Pin The Crazy On The Britney.