Unfortunately Ryan Lochte Will Not Make His First TV Debut In A Sex Tape With Nathan Adrian

Ever since I first saw Olympians Ryan Lochte and Nathan Adrian swim in a race together, I thought they’d make a great couple in a porn film. Nothing too racy or too scandalous or too risque for ABC Family. Just like them playing Marco Polo in a pool together. Naked.

I’d watch 65-90 minutes of that and I think a lot of other people would too. Especially the British after they find out  diver Tom Daley has a cameo as the guy who says, “now I know why it’s called Marco POLEo.”

Unfortunately the agent Ryan Lochte hired to run his career isn’t quite as savvy as me when it comes to getting him acting the gigs. The Olympic-swimmer-turned-actor-probably-turned-Extra-host-turned-Ryan-Seacrest-Protege will be showing off his skills on 90210 this season.  TV Line reports the following about his big break.

Playing himself, the aquatic superstar will turn up as a guest at a resort where the recently-reunited Naomi and Max are staying in an attempt to strengthen their relationship.

And that basically answers all the questions we have about this job. Mostly because I didn’t know this show was still on, let alone on it’s 5th season.  So let me do some Wiki-stalking on Naomi and Max.

After that, we just have to figure out exactly how many times he’ll say “jeah” and how many times he’ll wish he took my advice and just made a straight-up porno.

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    • Jennifer

      I’m having awful visions of him just screaming JEAH while having sex with someone—-though that and his stupidity are still not enough to turn me off

    • NicolasBourbaki

      damn, you are one ignorant slut.

      • Jenni

        Look, if you want to date me you have to try harder than that. I won’t fall for cliche flattery.

      • NicolasBourbaki

        r u making sexual advances towards me? Pig.