Kanye West is always inventing new stuff! First he revolutionized the fashion world with his cruelty-ful alien looks for ladies, then he picked up where Steve Jobs left off with his imaginary creative collective DONDA. And now, he has invented the mega music video, wherein you save your record label a bit of money by cramming two songs plus Kim Kardashian‘s ass into one, long, shaky, repetitive, tunnel party.
Okay, so we don’t actually know if Kanye invented it—the video also features DJ Khaled and Rick Ross, and was directed by Hype Williams—but it’s got his fingerprints all over it. Encompassing both “I Wish You Would” and “Cold” (the dis track formerly known as Theraflu”), it begins with the usual bombastic introductions, then features six minutes of the rappers (but mainly Kanye) silhouetted in an underground tunnel with glowing eyes while the camera shakes in a way that’s supposed to be artsy but mainly just gives me a headache.
If you want to see Kim, fast forward to the 5:20 mark, which shows her cuddling up to Kanye while looking as smug as her two-second cameo will allow:
Come to think of it, “video vixen” might be on the short list of jobs Kim is actually equipped to perform. I hope Kanye ups her allotment to five seconds next time.