The trailer for the highly anticipated Great Expectations movie finally arrived. I think it’s highly anticipated right? I know we all got real excited about Great Gatsby, but I can’t recall if we wanted to see this one. “We” referring to everyone who detested reading these novels in school, but now enjoys dropping casual references about them when we’re trying to sound educated.
“Oh God, as soon as I heard that story about Laura giving him a handjob on the first date, I thought classic Miss Havisham. She’ll totally die alone.”
My high school English teachers must be rolling in their graves thinking about all the great literature coming to the big screen this year. Just kidding, they’re all alive and still teaching and probably pretty pissed that famous actors continue to upstage them by making the classic novels exciting for teenagers. Especially since teenagers only get excited about two things: Murdering any famous celebrity who speaks to a celebrity they like and bagel bites. The former coming from extensive Twitter research and the latter coming from extensive commercial watching.
So in this rendition of the classic Charles Dicken’s novel, the cast of Harry Potter reunites to remind us how horrible it can be to fall in love. Bellatrix Lestrange AKA Helena Bonham Carter plays Miss Havisham. The decrepit lady who wears her wedding dress for 100 years. It’s something that would probably delight her real life husband Tim Burton and horrify everyone who regularly uses Pinterest to plan weddings that aren’t happening.
Lord Voldemort AKA Tom Riddle AKA Ralph Fiennes plays Magwitch, the rich convict who anonymously gives young Pip (Jeremy Irvine, wasn’t in Harry Potter, don’t care) all his money. Because in the olden days of England, helping a convict could be the difference between wearing tattered clothes and wearing the world’s finest britches. Holliday Grainger, another person who didn’t attend Hogwarts, plays the beautifully unattainable Estella. If she grew up now in NYC with the very same entitled attitude she has in the book, she’d probably be starring on Gallery Girls.
Finally Harry Potter AKA Daniel Radcliffe plays a blogger who dreamed up this spinster fairy tale after writing too many times about Miley Cyrus’ haircut.
Watch all the action go down right here:
(Photo: Ace Showbiz)