Riddle Me This: I Hated Every Single Girl On Gallery Girls, But I Loved The Show

You know what people don’t understand about New York? It’s the most cutthroat place in the world to live. Literally, if you don’t watch your back on the subway, someone will cut your throat — and it will probably be a co-worker who’s going after the same promotion as you. Also she’ll be played by Brian William’s daughter in the TV biopic about your tragic life and the dangers of living in NYC when you’re a young, aspirational 20-something who confuses Sex and the City plot lines with legitimate NYC resources like Yelp, Menupages and Seamless Web.

Or so TV shows like Gallery Girls would like to have everyone who doesn’t live in NYC to believe. Every possible career you could ever want falls between unattainable and completely unrealistic. We’re all just a bunch of waitresses/babysitters/Girls extras waiting for our big break. And we’re stuck waiting in bubble baths and luxury buildings and other horrid places to wait.

Oh also, our parents l-o-v-e paying for us to follow our dreams, reach our goals and another buzzworthy phrase that parents use to justify finanicing their daughter’s 3-year-internship at an art gallery run by everyone’s favorite estranged uncle. Oh Uncle Eli Klein.

Last night we met our favorite new girls to hate-watch. Each one was worse than the next. I spent the entire episode trying to figure out who I’d be more likely to spit on if I ever saw her in public. Would it be Chantal Chadwick with her Brooklyn red lipstick and inability to understand a budget? Or uptown (but not really, because she lives in Gramercy) Liz Margulies with her hilaroius banter about her dad owning millions of dollars of artwork?

Soundbite after soundbite I wondered how these girls possibly thought stringing those words together sounded like a good idea. The things they said couldn’t be blamed on editing, because these were words SPILLING out of their own mouths.

Claudia Martinez Reardon actually dares to cry on television because she’s unsure she’ll be able to repay the $15,000 loan her family gave her to open her gallery/clothing store End of Century. (Also, sidenote, I don’t have my MBA yet, but wouldn’t any family willing to part with $15,000 understand that it takes a long time to make a business profitable?) As if that’s a normal problem to have and to cry over.

And then to add to the absurdity of this super-first-world-problem, Chantal says that she contributed money to their gallery too. Well her aunt gave them $2500. Do these people understand that most people do not start businesses at 23 using their family’s resources. It doesn’t matter how much the Lower East Side needs something unique and artsy (as someone who’s spent time in the Lower East Side, they don’t), you should wait until you have the experience and money to open it on your own.

But that’s just my middle-class upbringing speaking. It speaks to me a lot during this show. The angrier I got, the more addicted I became to the show. Almost as addicted as Angela Pham is to herself — and her ability daring to pose with things in her pussy and then say the word pussy. Naturally she’s an aspiring photographer who models.

Just as natural it is that Amy Poliakoff and Maggie Schaffer don’t pay their rent. Because, hello, what’s the point of a trust fund if not to help your child succeed in the cutthroat world of art galleries?! Jobs are for commoners. Internships are for talented young women who can’ t be expected to reach for their dreams AND party at night AND pay their own rent. God, I feel disgusted even thinking about someone attempting to do all that.

And then we come to Kerri Lisa, the new intern who dares to wear a leather skirt and fur coat to an internship. I think Amy managed to hold down her vomit after witnessing that art world faux-paus. But how long Amy will be able to hide her disdain is unclear.

The show is a train wreck for almost every single person involved. And I’m proud to say I just bought my monthly pass so I can ride it all season long.

Also, it will be a great way to remind myself to remind my parents to pay my rent. It’s just the worst when they forget! It’s like, just pay it at the same time that you pay for Fresh Direct. Parents!

(Photos: Bravo TV)

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    • alm

      dear jenni maier, thank you so much for summing up exactly what i hate so much about all these shows. and yet, can’t stop watching them. i doff my terribly ironic fedora to you.

      • Jenni

        It’s going to be a long season, that’s all I’ll say.

    • Amy

      I can’t wait to download this show!

      • Jenni

        You can and you can’t. UGH, it’s so complicated to hate-watch shows.

    • melissa mary

      I like kerri Lisa though! She has goals and pays for everything on her own while interning. Way hotter and better dressed than the others. She seems down to earth! Love the shoe hate all the other girls

    • Boycottfreshdirect

      Boycott fresh direct!

    • Yeah.

      What is the point of this article? All you’re doing is talking shit about a reality television show. While I do agree that it MAY turn out that the girls should have waited before taking on a challenge such as the opening of an art gallery, at least that’ll be a free lesson for us all, and at least they had the balls to go for what they wanted.
      Are all of your articles this annoyingly and pointlessly condescending, or are you just catering to the aimlessly bitchy subsection of modern-day magazine readers?
      This is all just constructive criticism… I mean that. I’d really be interested in seeing any work of yours that contributes something valuable to the world and/or takes on less of a pessimistic view of things, as so many people just don’t seem to do that these days.

      • Jenni

        Please, please, please say you’re Chantal!? If so, I’ll die, go to heaven, come back and buy that wire umbrella hat in End of Century and take you out for French press coffee.

      • Yeah.

        Sorry to disappoint… just a random, somewhat opinionated person who actually never comments on blogs/online magazines but felt so inclined to do so for this one. BUT, I will admit that I do feel a little bad and bitchy myself, after leaving that comment. How ironic. And yes, I do have a soul, though my (ruthless?) comment may have suggested otherwise. (Another “but”): I googled your name (in a non-stalkerish way) in an attempt to find any of your work that I actually like (told you I meant what I said about being interested to see more worthy work from you; I guess something told me you had more talent than this). I was surprised and impressed to find your history of writing/accomplishments. I guess I taught myself a lesson in trying to prove a point.

        Since this is starting to sound a little creepy (the Internet tends to have that effect), I’ll just agree to disagree, and take my own advice about not looking at things with such a pessimistic eye (though I saw it more as me trying to save the integrity & seriousness of writers, and consumers). I’m sure if you’re writing about this stuff, in this way, it must provide you with some sort of happiness/fulfillment. And I’m a big believer in doing what makes you happy. So, whatever floats your boat.
        :-) *extends olive branch*

    • Tessa

      I am really hoping this show won’t be cancelled – it was my favourite hate-watch show ever!

      • Jenni

        I tweeted at Bravo for some reassurance…but got no tweets back that they’d be returning.

        Longest waiting game ever!