I watched Emily Maynard‘s season of The Bachelorette, so I was already familiar with Chris Bukowski when he came on this season of Bachelor Pad. I knew already that I didn’t particularly like him, but it was because he was young and immature and aggressive, not because he was a particularly bad or manipulative person. He just seemed like a pretty typical 25-year old trying to throw his weight around in a house full of guys. Nay nay nay. Turns out he’s an egotistical slimeball.
We’re still only in the fifth week of Bachelor Pad, and he’s already hooked up with three girls — his partner, Blakely, a girl named Jamie, and the house’s resident ‘fun girl’ Sarah. That in itself isn’t that crazy…I mean it’s a bunch of hot people in a house competing for money, there’s gonna be some sex and lying. But for Chris, the lying is almost on a different level. I don’t know if he secretes some kind of trusting serum in his spit that these girls have been gobbling up, but for some reason he’s been able to keep them all in the house at the same time, all believing that he’s completely devoted to them.
He started out with Blakely, an attractive 34-year old in deep with the game’s main alliance. But then as soon as she started making demands on him to be loyal to her (as a partner, first, but also as a romantic interest), he ran to Jamie, who at 26 is closer to his age and also hot. However, she’s not a great competitor, so Chris decided to stick with Blakely while simultaneously hooking up with Jamie and telling her he wants to be his partner. I feel like this is one house, so if your partner was being a shyster, you’d know about it, but for some reason both these girls were adamant in their individual interviews that Chris is devoted to them, and solely to them.
Cut to this week, when by a complicated twist of circumstances, Chris was given a rose without winning a challenge, and presented with the opportunity to take any girl in the house on an individual date. Both Jamie and Blakely were separately absolutely positive that he’d take them…so they were shocked when he decided to take Sarah, because she’s new and exciting and he wanted to sleep with her. And guess what! He got to!
And this isn’t just about Chris playing the field, because he’s admitted that he’s not even attracted to the first two girls anymore. He’s just hooking up with them for…fun? I don’t know, because he doesn’t seem to be having any fun. He keeps describing it as work just to be around them. It would somehow be more acceptable if he wasn’t connecting with these girls emotionally, or at least pretending to, but he’s definitively leading them on. He’s using phrases like, “I have Blakely and Jamie eating out of the palm of my hand,” and “The best thing I ever did was trade in Blakely and Jamie for someone new.” Are you fucking kidding me? How can he be acting like that at this house and still be getting swooned over by all three girls in their interviews? There must be something I don’t know about this guy, and at this point I have to assume he has three dicks and shits golden eggs, because otherwise there’s zero explanation.
In other news, Jaclyn and Ed won the challenge, and went on a date with each other, so Jaclyn gave her rose to Chris, making him safe and giving him a date, which he took Sarah on. Then another rose was up for grabs for the girls, for Ed to give away, so he gave it to Rachel, who had lost the competition and so had a vote against her. The other loser of the competition was David, the last fan standing, and he and Jamie went home this week.
All I can say is that next week, Chris Bukowski, you got some ‘splainin’ to do…