It’s that time of year again. That one time of year you need to look up what channel the Discovery Channel is. The only time you’ve ever considered picking up some adult diapers on the way home from work. The week you clear your schedule each night to relive that time you saw Jaws when you were way too young. The time you curse yourself for going in the ocean this vacation, and make a mental note to never go back in again.
Obviously I can only be talking about one thing. It’s Shark Week bitches.
And as is only natural, the sharks won’t just take over our TV sets this week — they are storming the internet, and they’re out for blood.
Bad Luck Brian misses one night of shark week to go for a late night swim — you know what happens. The Most Interesting Man In The World always watches shark week. McKayla Maroney isn’t impressed my ass. Even the skeptical third world kid knows enough to tune in.
So forget about Ryan Lochte and his Ryan Lochte-ness, Miley Cyrus chopping off her hair and the fact that divers often look like they’re pooping. For this one glorious week, forget about it all. If at least one half of your tweets don’t end with #sharkweek, you aren’t doing it right. Let the shark takeover begin!
Obsessive girlfriend does not get to watch with you.
You bet your ass they’ll be coming after Scumbag Steve.
Like I said, Bad Luck Brian will skip a night to his own peril…
And even McKayla Maroney will be impressed when they’re done with her.