Humans acting like animals is easily one of my favorite things ever. And strange sports that have no business at the Olympics but are there anyway are pretty high on my list as well. So imagine my glee when the internet provided me with this video of a human reenacting the strange, elaborate horse-dance that is dressage. I was literally shaking with laughter.
The video is of the ‘finals’ of a dressage event, which in the actual Olympics is basically the same thing as horse-dancing. A horse is ridden into the ring and made to perform impressive tricks, by its rider. In this video, there are two horses competing head-to-head. Pretty standard…except that the horses are human beings in horse heads and fancyboy suits prancing across the green. This concept would be hilarious enough to me, but the creators of the video also superimposed actual commentary from real dressage events in the background. Something about real, Olympic-level commentators describing people dancing around in horse heads is hilarious to me, even more so than it would have been if they used their own joke-y commentary. They also use actual shots of the cheering crowd, so you’re aware that the entire British nation is supporting these reverse-centaurs.
The only place where the video is lacking is that it doesn’t show us the judging, or the numbers, leaving me to speculate on who gets the fake gold all by myself. There are two manhorses in this final round of competition, and in my opinion it’s pretty obvious that the gold medal should go to the second one, a rare black beauty with a certain floop to his step that can’t be replicated by the more traditional gait of the brown stallion. Too often manhorses are rewarded based on the technicalities of their performance instead of their style, leaving them to hang their great horsey heads in sadness.