I may have missed the opening ceremony of the Olympics two weeks ago, but I was able to surmise that it was super fucking weird, thanks to Facebook, Twitter and all major media outlets. I was sorry to miss out on the Mary Poppins vs. Voldemort battle, and even sorrier to miss out on Mr. Bean. You know what completely atones for both of those things? Seeing actual proof that the Spice Girls have reunited and begun practicing for the closing ceremonies on Sunday.
When other chicks in my 6th grade class were busy pretending they understood everything Tupac stood for, I was jamming out on my Walkman on the bus to hardcore hits like “Wannabe” and “Say You’ll Be There.” Back then, Victoria Adams was the second least popular member (it should go without saying that Sporty Spice was the least interesting) and hadn’t even met a certain sexy soccer star yet, but she was my personal favorite. She had brown hair; I had brown hair. She wasn’t the athletic one; I could barely throw a wiffle ball. We were the samesies.
I loved everything the Spice Girls stood for: “girl powah,” sparkly platform shoes, sexual innuendos tied in with bad lyrics… the list goes on. The love for them never dwindled, even through the atrocity that was Spice World. I kept right on loving them through college, when a friend of mine went to a hole-in-the-wall bar called The Spice Cafe and serenaded a group of drunk twenty-somethings with “2 Become 1.” How could we not? It was The Spice Cafe! The crowd went wild and we gyrated on tabletops, giving everyone our best versions of “Sloppy Spice” and “Too-Much-Tequila Spice.”
You can imagine my excitement when I did my daily Google News search this morning, bypassing important international news and stories of war and famine only to see that my beloved Spice Girls are going to take the stage once more. According to closing ceremony musical director David Arnold, Sunday’s three-and-a-half-hour show will be based around “30 classic pieces of British music.” If that doesn’t include “Spice Up Your Life,” then there is officially no hope for Britain… or the world. The Spice World, that is.