Now that it’s been a whole two weeks since the Kristen Stewart/Robert Pattinson Cheating Scandal of 2012 broke, it’s fun to analyze old quotes retroactively and say, “Aha! K. Stew was totally talking about boning Rupert Sanders when she said this thing about Twilight.” Because she knew she was stepping out on R. Pattz and so it added a dramatic irony to everything she said, right? Except, everyone knew about this—they knew because it was orchestrated down to the paparazzi photos and who Rob’s upcoming, perfectly scheduled appearances on The Daily Show and Good Morning America.
And a few weeks ago in July, Kristen desperately tried to give the media a heads-up to the shitshow that was about to break. She, Rob, and Taylor Lautner – who is just getting nothing out of this — sat down with Entertainment Weekly at San Diego Comic-Con, where Kristen proceeded to rant about how difficult it was for her to play a fake person on the red carpet. Consider this exchange:
Kristen: ”I’ve never been able to fully form this thing, this persona, that some people are so f—ing good at. That’s an art. I know a lot of actors [who can do that] and you guys aren’t them.” [gestures at Rob and Taylor]
Rob: “Did you just point to us?”
Kristen: “Yeah, and thank God! I don’t like people like that. People who are a complete non-person but somehow through the lens seem like they are on and interesting and engaged. I care way more about the people standing in the room. I don’t want anyone leaving and saying, ‘God, that girl is so fake.’ People tell me to make it easier on myself and to play a character when I go out on carpets and stuff. But you know what? I’d rather be me.”
It sounds like a monologue straight out of Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, but really Kristen was trying to tell the EW interviewer that a month later the internet would be ablaze with wailing fans and slut-shaming and conspiracy theories about how this is all a stunt. We already heard from Breaking Dawn, Part 2 director Bill Condon that Kristen and Rob have just been playing roles and pretending to be in love for the past four years. Here, Kristen is telling us that she just can’t do it, that everyone is relying on her to play this slutty little brat and she’s not gonna be able to hack it. Probably because that requires more emotion than a dead-eyed bitch stare.
She was trying to get through to Rob right in front of the interviewer and tell him that he’s gonna have to carry the slack on this. Because no one will believe that this affair was going on or that Kristen needs Rob in her life so much that she’ll release her “I love him. I love him.” personal statement. The subtext is all Abort! Abort! Did we send the photos to the tabloids yet? Dammit. I wish there were a video of this, because you know that it would be her staring at Rob trying to have one of those psychic conversations like they have on How I Met Your Mother.
And Taylor would be sitting there so confused. Don’t worry your pretty little head over this, Taylor. After Abduction you didn’t stand much of a chance for a post-Twilight career, anyway. They’ll probably make that spin-off with you and Renesmee, so you’re set for the next couple of years.
Photo: Lia Toby/WENN.com