If The People On Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Aren’t Paid Actors Then I’m Back To Hoping 2012 Is Our Last Year On Earth

Last night I sat down and prepared myself to witness a disaster on the new TLC show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. You know, the show starring Alana Thompson, the breakout star from Toddlers & Tiaras who got famous because she not only called herself Honey Boo Boo Child, but also because she said wildly age-inappropriate things like this:

Oh and her mother, fed her wildly age-inappropriate beverages like the now infamous go-go juice. A concoction that makes 6-year-old children do this:

But while I expected a disaster, I did not expect the apocalpyse that was this horrific mess of a show. Despite living in NYC and despite seeing the same man poop AND jerk off in the very same telephone booth once, I’m still a lot more sheltered than I thought. Oh and do note that I once spent an incredibly tramautic weekend in Daytona, Florida — where the unofficial city motto is “no sleeves, no shoes, a woman in the back will probably service you.”

Do people like the Thompson family really exist!? These redneck celebrations where teenage girls named Pumpkin go bobbing for raw pig feet really happen!?

I can’t remember the last time where I spent an hour watching TV with my mouth hanging open in shock. From the opening moments when we met the  Thompson family to the incredibly disturbing biscuit scene at the doctors where they’re examining Honey Boo Boo’s pregnant teen sister, I felt like we were witnessing something we shouldn’t.

5 minute snippets of Honey Boo Boo Child and her family are funny. An hour just makes me sad. Watching a child eat cheeseballs for breakfast isn’t comedy, nor is doing the math and realizing that June Thompson herself was a teen mom who’s now raising a teen mom. A teen mom named Chickadee.  While it’s clear that this family loves each other and sticks together, that’s obviously not the focus of the show.

Not when gay pagent pigs get involved. Yes, for those of you who didn’t watch, the Thompsons bought Honey Boo Boo a male pig to make up for her losing a pageant during the episode. Naturally it wears a crown and is gay. Because TLC making gay jokes isn’t funny. But showing a child making them provides hours of hilarity.

TLC found a freak show and put them on display for us. And I don’t know if I have the stomach to watch this every week. Not when we’re supposed to be pointing and laughing at family because they’re  ignorant rednecks who wanted their 15 minutes of fame.

And especially not when the word biscuit is going to enter our vocabulary ironically and then end up being the vajayjay of 2012.

 

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    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=789264713 Frances Locke

      I mostly agree with you, I could only get through about 20 minutes of the show before my head was about to explode, but I think the gay pig part was actually surprisingly enlightened for a family in the deep south.

      When the older sister said something along the lines of “That pig can’t be gay” Alana quipped “He can be whatever he wants to be.” Obviously being gay isn’t a choice, but I thought it was sweet that the child didn’t see anything wrong with being gay.

      • Jenni

        That’s a nice way of looking at it actually. There could be hope for Honey Boo Boo after all?

      • Jada

        On the 2nd Toddlers & Tiaras episode, Alana’s gay uncle showed up, and they called him a “poodle” because according to Alana, “he’s got a little fruit in him”.

      • Kara

        At one point she also says “It’s ok to be gay. Everyone’s a little gay.” And I love her.

    • Pam W.

      For me, this isn’t even a case where I threaten not to watch this show. I CAN’T watch it because it sounds too horrifying to stomach. Even reading your review got me upset and a little nauseous. I my heart goes out to that poor pig (the 4 legged one)! That family refuses to take care of themselves so I can’t imagine how they treat a pig or any animal. BTW, that pig probably has more brains that that entire family put together! We’re doomed!

    • Callie

      I haven’t watched the show yet because I’m afraid it was also make me feel uneasy. When you step back adn really think about how that’s actually someone’s life it’s quite sad. Thanks for looking past the entertaining moments brought on by their expense.

    • Laura

      I also think the show is horrible! I watched a few minutes of it and had to change it. I am from Georgia and have lived here all my life. I do not know anyone like these people. Everyone in ga is definately not like that! I know a few rednecks but no one that bad! In my opinion, its more trashy than redneck! Shows like this really make us Georgia peoole look bad!

    • oldsouth

      Maybe the Duggar’s could adopt Alana……..it could be called Honey
      Boo Boo does the Duggar’s

    • Susan newhouse

      The opening of the show sets the stage, for those that haven’t seen it. It starts with the family standing together as a group, akin to a family photo, they’re all smiling, then you hear it, a fart that would make most men proud, the family begins exiting their formation attempting to wave away the apparent odor, and MOM, yes MOM, sort of grins, chuckles a little, and proudly takes credit for the unfortunate faux pas….mom later advises that all her kids fart 14 times a day, and credited this with a weight loss phenomenon. Maybe I should drop my manners and just left it go. Lol

    • Dp ~

      all yall on here talking about these people it doesnt matter hell they making money… shiddd ill act like that too . to get a pay check yall so fuckin jealous if its not your child stfu !!!!

    • Kara

      Honestly, I sat through the entire season one day on YouTube. Yes. I did it. For science. And they are not the worst family to ever grace television or the world. Are they a little gross? Yes. Are they a little crass? Yes. But the mother honestly loves her kids and supports them. They do things together and Alana is the only one of her kids to have done pageants because she wants to. Alana looses most of her pageants. She cries for a minute and picks her self up and says “Next time I’ll win.” They coupon and save money to do pageants and put pageants last when it comes to family.

      I would rather have dirty, crass people who love each other than so many kids who have no families or are abused and neglected.

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