Kristen Stewart I could handle. I’d prefer not to think about Joe Giudice having sex, ever, but his cheating is no surprise to anyone. But Olympians? The world’s best athletes that proudly represent their countries and win mad hardware and break records all while having tremendous amounts of sex?? It’s just too much.
So here’s what went down. Last Sunday, South African swimmer Cameron van der Burgh snatched a gold medal in the 100-meter breaststroke, beating Australian swimming golden boys Christian Sprenger and Brenton Rickard, who previously held the record. On Friday, van der Bergh admitted – as the tapes clearly showed – that he used three fly kicks at the start of the race instead of the allowed one. That, boys and girls, is cheating.
‘‘If you’re not doing it, you’re falling behind. It’s not obviously – shall we say – the moral thing to do, but I’m not willing to sacrifice my personal performance and four years of hard work for someone that is willing to do it and get away with it,’’ van der Burgh said about the incident.
My first reaction: If you actually worked hard enough you could have won the race on your own you douche! But then I realized, the guy’s right.
‘‘I think it’s pretty funny of the Australians to complain because in the underwater footage if you actually look at Brenton Rickard in the lane next to me, he’s doing the exact same thing as me yet they’re turning a blind eye,” he said.
Van der Burgh goes on to say that 99 percent of swimmers are doing it. In fact, he claims he lost the 50-meter breaststroke at last year’s world championships because some Brazilian dude used the kicks and he didn’t.
‘‘I think only if you can bring in underwater footage that’s when everybody will stop doing it because that’s when you’ll have peace of mind to say, ‘All right I don’t need to do it because everybody else is doing it and it’s a fair playing field,’” he went on to say.
So now I’m thinking, damn, way to stick your neck out for the sake of getting the word out there na mean? Because God knows he’s already gotten piles of shit flung at him for admitting to this. But the fact is, he’s not just saying everyone does it. Everyone does it! (Except Missy Franklin, because I am convinced she’s as much of a sinner as the Virgin Mary herself.)
So FINA (the international swimming federation), get the damn underwater cameras. If the incompetents over at NBC can show us underwater footage, it sure as hell can’t be that hard.
Sure, we shouldn’t need them. But alas, this isn’t a perfect cheatingless world. And where are we if no one is held accountable by fancy technology or some guy in the bushes?