Signs that the world is ending: Hasbro has decided to resurrect the Furby doll. It’s coming to stores this fall, which is a tight window for this furry little robot army to take over humanity, but they don’t need more than a few months. Seriously, the Mayans predicted this; if you look closely at their calendars, you can see a deviously grinning Furby etched into the stone. What the Mayans couldn’t have known, however, is that Hasbro would try to bankrupt their customers by selling the damn thing for $54, at Walmart, no less.
With its September 15th release date rapidly approaching, there’s now a commercial showing the new Furby in action. I have to say, the digital eyes are a tad creepier than the actual blinking eyes the old one used to have; furthermore, though Hasbro endeavored to make the Furby less confusing by syncing it up to your iPhone, iPod Touch, and iPad, that’s actually more chilling. There are Furby apps to feed it or translate Furbish. Yes, it still speaks a gibberish language and then suddenly picks up English and gives children nightmares with its nighttime rantings.
Does no one else see the endgame here? The robot revolution won’t start with Skynet; it’ll start with these bizarre little creatures, who are a lot more agile and flexible than I remember the old ones being! Tickle them and they convulse and giggle… piss them off and they find your kitchen knife. Just sayin’. The creepiest part of this video comes at about 1:06, when they show you the little Furby’s personality changing. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Hey, it’s your funeral. If you have fifty bucks to shell out — or if you want to fuck with your little brother/sister/niece/nephew/cousin because they deserve to suffer as much as you did — go for it. Just don’t come crawling to me when your Furby has commandeered your iPad and is shutting down the security systems at the Pentagon.