• Sat, Aug 4 2012

A Letter From Snoop Lion To His Former Self, Snoop Dogg

You may have heard that Snoop Dogg officially changed his name earlier this week to ‘Snoop Lion‘. Actually, I’m sure you heard that, because if you didn’t, it means you don’t care that much about Snoop Dogg Lion and that is impossible. Anyway, we found some correspondence between the artist Snoop Dogg and the artist formerly known as Snoop Dogg that tries to explain the name change, so we figured we’d share it with you. Be gentle with it, it’s written on rolling papers.

Dearest Snoop Dogg,

It’s me, Snoop Lion. I’m you, from the future. You don’t know me yet, but I live inside of you, like a puppy lives inside a cat lives inside a dog lives inside a lion. I’m sorry, I’m incredibly high right now. Let me phrase that a different way. You and I…we’re like an endless turducken of rap talent and tiny braids, and one day I will emerge from you like a butterfly from a chrysalis to take on my true, lion form.

Ooh, all this talk of turducken makes me hungry. Please excuse me for a moment.

Okay, I’m back. I had a bowl of diamonds with milk. Very satisfying. Now where was I? Oh right. You’re probably wondering — how will I make this transformation? In nature, when a dogg matures musically, he does not turn into a lion. He crawls under a porch and dies. Well this isn’t nature, so even though doggs and lions are not from the same genus, one can still transform from one to the other, if one says one has. On a side note, have we read the Animorphs series yet? I keep hearing good things.

Anyway. I hope you’re having a good day, young Snoop, and I look forward to you seeing me soon. And before you start to worry, our path doesn’t end with me, either. I got my letter from Snoop Mammoth just the other day, and he couldn’t stop talking about Snoop Whale’s excellent penmanship. It’s a long, species-rich road we have to walk together, Snoopykins, so pack us some ganja sandwiches and I’ll see you when we get there.

Love,

Snoop Lion, Esquire.

P.S. Keep wearing sunglasses inside. In 2017 we discover that this looks really cool.

(Image: WENN.com)

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