John Mayer is Now Banging Katy Perry, Proving His Penis is Still Racist

TMZ  is reporting that John Mayer and Katy Perry were seen leaving Chateau Marmont together last night.  While I’m pretty sure that Chateau Marmont is used mainly for cocaine binges and easy publicity, it’s also the perfect place for the rich and famous to get laid by someone equally as rich and famous.

The news of Katy Perry and John Mayer hooking up is great for both of them- he enjoys sleeping with/publicly degrading female pop stars and actresses he has absolutely nothing in common with, and she has low standards.  Perfection!

Can someone please explain to me what it is about John Mayer that gets women everywhere hot and bothered?  I’m John Mayer-blind.  There is absolutely nothing about him that I find attractive.  He usually looks like Johnny Depp and Jack Johnson had a dirty homeless baby.

He makes the funkiest faces when he’s performing.  He’s publicly denounced African-American women’s attractiveness (to be fair, he was speaking for his penis). He’s apparently pretty good at turning women into weeping mental cases (Jennifer Aniston, Taylor Swift) and getting others to change who they are to suit his needs (Jessica Simpson and her unsuccessful attempt at being a hipster brunette, albeit a “sexual napalm” hipster brunette).

He’s even convinced the Cheshire Cat Giada DeLaurentis to do things I never want to picture anyone on The Food Network doing!  Sure, he can carry a tune and play the guitar quite well.  But so can about 4305843958309485 other guys these days, so… yeah.  I don’t get it.

I have an open mind, though.  I’d be willing to listen to a counter-argument from someone who thinks John Mayer is the bee’s knees (only until I become nauseated).  Maybe he’s misunderstood, misquoted, and misrepresented by every single woman he’s ever dated.  But most likely, he’s just a dick.


You can reach this post's author, Cassandra Hough, on twitter.
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    • Brenda

      You’re right on the fact that you’re missing something, Cassandra, but that’s ok. You’re one less person that we have to fight to get great seats at his shows.

    • Diana

      It appears every woman he has slept with falls in love with him. He just has it. It doesn’t make sense, I agree. In fairness to him, I think he wanted to be in love with the women he gave attention to but just wasn’t ready. Some guys don’t get to settle down stage till they’re older.

    • Stefani

      You may just be one of the worst writers I’ve every read. This is the perfect example of someone writing about something they no absolutely nothing about. You should get your facts right before you write your tacky tasteless story. It’s clear you don’t know his music for you to say so many others can play like him, and calling him a dick when you don’t know him makes you one. You should keep your lame opinion to you yourself.

    • Cassandra Hough

      Judging by your grammar, Stefani, you should be a professional writer. Thanks for opening up my eyes… a celebrity/pop-culture blog is obviously not the place for opinions on celebrities or pop culture!

      It’s totally cool to like John Mayer. It’s probably not cool to threaten genocide of non-fans on his behalf.

    • dclaughing

      That’s hilarious. I can see Mayer’s hotness and I can also see his non-hotness. Overall, I love his music, and I especially like when he loses himself and just jams. From all the interviews I’ve seen, he talks way too much. I think my perfect Mayer would be introspective and humble and baggage-free. I do love the guy though. I’d fuck him. Probably wouldn’t fall in love though. Thanks for the laugh!

    • Response

      First off, “he makes the funkiest faces when performing”? When you can cover jimi Hendrix songs flawlessly, write equally intricate songs, and pull out an acoustic guitar and make millions of girls fall in love for the length of a song, I think you have the right to make a funky face. And ok, so a guy that has heard that his voice sounds like sex and performs in front of thousands of girls that all want to fuck him talks too much. You hear an interview now and he genuinely regrets the things he said. He disappeared to Montana for 2 years for god’s sake. It takes some people longer to mature, and publicity never helps. Those women are ex’s, meaning he dated them and they broke up. It’s not like he just fucked them and never called them. And what would you rather him do, marry each one and divorce them the next year like every other celebrity does? John Mayer’s one of the best guitarists and songwriters of our time, and one of the most honest celebrities, and unfortunately being honest to the media destroys your image. The racial comments were too far for sure, but people make mistakes, and people should forgive those mistakes. So there’s the counter argument you asked for, and if you became nauseated, that’s your problem.