If I ever have kids, assuming I like them, there is no way in hell I am ever letting them become child stars. Sure, they’d balloon into little piggy banks for a while, but if there’s one thing E! True Hollywood Stories has taught us, it’s that child stardom is a surer road to ruin than premarital sex and reefer madness combined.
According to a sadly believable story circulating today, king of all child stars Macaulay Culkin is addicted to heroin and prescription painkillers. The chagrin I feel for the actor formerly known as Kevin McAllister is matched only by the excitement his “friends” seem to feel regarding his imminent death. “Macaulay Culkin is hooked on drugs and it’s killing him!” a “source close to Culkin” told the National Enquirer. (Do you see what I mean?) “He’s been hooked for a year and a half, and his drug of choice is either heroin or oxycodone. Mac is surrounding himself with junkies and lowlifes. It’s a real tragedy.”
Here’s the thing: pretty much all rich, famous, artsy people do drugs. But apparently, Mac’s drug use intensified into something serious about 18 months ago when his relationship with Mila Kunis ended. This assertion seems to be backed up by recent pictures of Mac, which show him looking…not so good:
Of course, it’s entirely possible that he’s secretly dying of cancer or something, but the tabloids decided to take this story and run with it, because they are awful. Nevertheless, this fits the narrative of the fading child star so well that I’m inclined to believe it. I sincerely hope he gets the help he needs before his addiction leads to his untimely death. You’ve got a lot to live for, Mac! Also, you were very good in Party Monster.