Gather roundÂ amateurÂ childÂ psychologistsÂ and join me as I try to decipher the meaning of Suri Cruise dressing like Princess Ariel on a recent trip to Disney World with her father Tom Cruise. Twitter hot shot @AlexFeoli snapped this photo of the twoÂ walkingÂ around Disney World. All casual like. As if they aren’t 2/3 of the world’s most broken family right now.
As we known within 2 seconds of seeing this photo, it’s clear Tom Cruise is playing the “I’ll say yes to anything” divorced dad card right now. It’s the best way to win your daugther over, while also turning her against her mother. Especially a mother who’s now all aboutÂ disciplineÂ and middle-class clothing for her daughter.
Oh Katie Holmes, you thought you won. But Tom is just getting started. I’d expect a car under her Christmas tree this year, as well as the rights to a small island and possibly aÂ full timeÂ cupcake chef. Don’t even try to compete with him. Just wait until she’s old enough to read and give her some material on what her father believes in. Make sure to highlightÂ theÂ partÂ aboutÂ aliens living inside all humans.
But that’s enough parenting advice for Katie Holmes, for right now. I know she’s just getting the hang of this “discipline” thing and I don’t want to pile too much on her at once. Not when she’sÂ emotionallyÂ carrying the baggage from divorce and physicallyÂ carryingÂ her 6-year-old daughter.
Let’s talk about Suri dressing up like Princess Ariel, the voiceless mermaid who gives up everything for a prince who wears ill-fittingÂ peasantÂ shirts and straight-leg jeans. Why, out of all the magical princesses in the world, would Suri pick her?
As you might have guessed from my title, I know the answer.
I think Suri Cruise feels trapped by her father in his world of scientology and alleged contracted brides. She wants to be where the people are, she wants to see, wants to see them dancing. Up where they walk, up where they run, up where they stay all day in the sun. Wandering free, she wishes to be part of that world.
And just to clarify, not the world where children attend school. Just the one where they can do whatever the hell they want without being audited all the time.