If there’s one thing I learned from the Olympic Ceremony last night, it’s that you don’t want to go after Beijing at anything, cause you gonna look bad, son. And if there’s two things I learned, it’s that the Olympic Ceremony makes no sense if you’re watching them in bits and pieces while also attempting to competently wait tables. I can’t imagine that I’m the only person who had to work last night and wasn’t able to see the full thing, so why don’t I catch all of us up at the same time with a gallery of some highlights. To aid me in my quest for the best and the brightest pictures and .GIFs, I shall turn to live texts from my editor received last night as she watched the Ceremonies, my own glimpses of the performances as I waited tables, and the commentary of my dear devoted dad. So a pretty fool-proof summary. I can absolutely guarantee that I won’t miss one single moment or take absolutely anything out of context. You’re welcome.