• Fri, Jul 27 2012

Here’s Everything You Need To Know About Step Up Before You Go See Step Up Revolution Tonight

Step Up Revolution opens today. This is the fourth installment in this dance franchise. And as I keep learning every time I talk about it, a lot of people have never seen any of these movies. Not only did this series effectively launch Channing Tatum‘s career (and marriage), but these movies consistently deliver amazing movie theater diversions. And if you haven’t been watching them, you are majorly missing out. Like everyone other than me on the Crushable staff.

What is your life like, person who does not pay attention to scantily clad 20-somethings aggressively dancing out their lives’ tensions through the transformative powers of dance?

As you’ll notice from the posters above, the faces and personalities of the characters in these dramas are basically irrelevent. Maybe, because you only remember that Channing Tatum was in the first one, you think that the franchise sold out into sequel hackery after he departed.

This is not true. No one even liked the first one. Step Up (the original) has a 20% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. If a store sold 22% fresh produce they would immediately go out of business. But Step Up goes on. And on. And on.

The story has basically remained unchanged since the first installment:

Poor little rich girl meets slow but hot poor guy and they dance away their problems.

When Step Up first came out, people claimed that the movie was “derivative” and complained about the bad dialogue. Why were they paying attention to the dialogue?

This is a movie about dancing. And hot people. Since when did we as a culture start expecting really amazing dancers to be smart? This is not a dance version of Grey’s Anatomy. This is Step Up.

People who review these movies, for the most part, have no idea what they’re doing.

Here’s the San Francisco Chronicle on Step Up Revolution:

“There’s youth there, there’s passion, there’s belief, there’s hope, there’s energy – but then just about everything else, every practical, tangible thing about this film, is ghastly.”

Meanwhile, Examiner.com called Step Up Revolution “dance pornography.” Is calling something “dance pornography” supposed to be a bad thing? Because Summit Entertainment should put that on the poster.

Step Up does not care about your desire for coherent plot points and logic. It only cares about creating a love story between a rich girl who is awesome at dancing and a poor guy who needs her help to complete a sweet routine he’s been working on.

It is imperative that they put their faces very close together when they talk. And the probability of them getting wet while dancing is very high.

Chances are, the dude is a little bit dumb and makes this face:

It does not matter that he is dumb. Because he is extremely loyal. And when takes his shirt off you forget what you were saying.

 

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