• Fri, Jul 27 2012

I Think We All Know That Charlize Theron Is The REAL Victim In This Kristen Stewart Debacle

Within seconds of hearing the news about Kristen Stewart cheating on Robert Pattinson with Rupert Sanders, I wrote a poem of condolence  for Charlize Theron. Not only is she the most beautiful woman in all the world, but she’s also my godmother. She just doesn’t know it. But I went down to the courthouse or the church house or wherever one goes to make this kind of stuff legal and filled out all the paperwork. By default I’m now Jackson’s nanny and Stuart Townsend’s worst enemy. That’s just how the law works.

But my personal family matters are neither here nor there right now. What matters is Charlize and the fact she’s been forced to bear witness to this atrocity of a flirtation during her days on the set of Snow White and the Huntsman. Was it not enough to get Chris Hemsworth involved, did they have to drag Charlize in too?

Apparently yes, because according to Radar Online, she’s furious. Maybe even FURIOUS.

“Charlize is absolutely fuming with Kristen for having an affair with Rupert,” an insider revealed. “She is very tight with Liberty, has often socialized with the family over dinner and cannot believe Kristin has done this.“When they were filming Snow White and the Huntsman, Charlize felt like an older sister to Kristin, and they were always sharing advice.

In good news, she only looks more glamorous when she’s fuming. In bad news, she actually transforms into a wicked witch when she’s fuming and has the power to murder people with a possessed mirror. It’s just a side effect of working on a set that plants the seeds of adultery (seeds that are exclusively sold in Home Depot’s gardening section).

I wasn’t mad at K.Stew before. But now after seeing this news, I’m enraged. No, take that back. I’M LIVID.

(Photo: WENN.com)

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