In exciting news for our already oversexualized teenagers, there’s a Fifty Shades of Grey Jr. book floating around out there called Beautiful Disaster. Something that instantly brings Kelly Clarkson’s lyrics to mind as well as the image of a beautiful girl waking up on the bathroom floor after a long night of throwing up jager bombs. Obviously, every studio wants to make this into a movie and apparently Warner Bros. and CBS Films are in a bidding war over rights to it as we speak.
Because, gosh darnit, our youth deserve to be able to go see a movie about sex that doesn’t require a parent’s permission to see it.
It’s hard to believe that I survived middle school on just a wing, a prayer and every book ever published by VC Andrews. Kids these days got it made. They get to read books about sex that don’t involve incest! Then again, just typing that sentence made me want to rush out to the forbidden section of the library and spend the day rereading Flowers in the Attic.
Like America’s most classic novel, 50 Shades of Grey, Beautiful Disaster is also a self-published book by an unknown author, Jamie McGuire, that made it big before being picked up by a publisher. And naturally, as all novels will now have going forard in the future, there’s an innocent Anastasia Steele character who gets seduced by a more experienced Christian Grey.
Even the stories have parallels. While Fifty Shades features the virginal Anastasia Steele, who falls under the spell of Christian Grey, Disaster centers on college good-girl Abby Abernathy, who doesn’t drink or swear. Her romantic foil is Travis Maddox, “lean, cut and covered in tattoos,” according to the book description. He makes a bet with Abernathy: If Abernathy wins, he must abstain from sex for a month; if she loses, she must live with him for a month.
I’m already intrigued. And possessed by Travis Maddox. Who will play him in the movie? Dylan and Cole Sprouse? AT THE SAME TIME?! A girl can dream.
And now that we’ve taken care of our horny teenagers, let’s address our curious elementary school kids. Do you think Ms. Frizzle has an interest in driving the ‘ole Magic School Bus down to the local sex toy shop? Or perhaps, Corduroy can find his button — only to realize he prefers himself unbuttoned….
It’s daring, but it’s necesary. If we want our children getting interested in handcuffs by the time they graduate 6th grade, we’ve got to prepare them young!