• Thu, Jul 26 2012

Where We Predict The Chorus To Taylor Swift’s Song About Her Parent’s Divorce

In devastating news for people who believe in the sanctity of marriage, Taylor Swift’s parents are divorced. As if that poor tragic wisp of a fairy tale princess needed one more heartbreak in her life. Wasn’t John Mayer enough universe?! Did you have to take her married parents too? If there’s ever been a reason to curl up under my desk and sing 1940s love ballads to myself, this is it.

But I won’t do that to you. Not when I have songwriting to predict. Yes, reports are already coming in that Taylor will transform this painful experience into beautiful music. Music so beautiful that all parents might get divorced. While we can’t say that the lyrics below are 100% accurate, we can say the general gist will be the same.

Let me set the scene for you. The stage is all dark except for one lone rocking chair that sits in the spotlight. A tattered teddy bear sits on it. Then a beautiful young woman comes out onto the stage wearing a white dress made from dollar store doilies and elf-spun yarn. Her hair’s in pig-tailed braids and her heart is in knots. And, gasp, it’s TAYLOR SWIFT!

She sits down in the rocking chair and starts singing. No, that’s not a guitar you hear. Those are her heartstrings being pulled tighter and tighter.

Dear Daddy, I miss you

Dear Divorce lawyer, why did you

Dear Mommy, I also miss you. 

Dear Divorce lawyer, why did you

Dear Stepmommy, who are you

Dear Divorce lawyer, why did you

Seriously Dad, she’s closer to my age that yours

Dear Divorce lawyer, why did you

And her boobs aren’t real and I’ll never call her mom and I hate you for leaving and I think you’re the worst parent alive. And I won’t help your disgusting girlfriend break into show show business! She’s the trashy as hell and I hope you’re happy. Oh also, her roots are showing.

Dear Daddy, I miss you tonighhhhhtttt

Cue clapping. Tears from Taylor. Tears from the audience. Tears for sale in the lobby!

(Photo: YNF/WENN.com)

 

 

 

Share This Post:
  • Joe

    So you think people getting divorced is this big fat joke? Go suck a cock,bitch.Taylor Swift was and will always be better/richer/smarter than your fat pathetic ass.

    • Jenni Maier

      Generally speaking, yes. Maybe it’s just the part of the country where I’m from, but I don’t know ANYONE with divorced parents. Also I got out of bed today twice to get food. So I’m not that fat and pathetic.

    • Guest

      i think you are, also your name is spelled wrong

    • Narissa

      YOURE THE MANNN =) (Y)

    • Joe

      Where is that where u are from? Switzerland? No wonder their deported you.

  • tim

    wow if that’s her song, then she needs to quit music all together.

    I just hope this isn’t a ploy for sympathy votes for awards again.

  • Meghan Radespiel

    I know this is a pretty sad moment for taylor swift, but this spoof on her performing after the divorce is pretty hysterical.

  • Taylor (not Swift)

    This is, if it’s true, a really sad moment for Taylor and I don’t think that she needs you guys making up songs and things about it. And also, I doubt that her dad, or mom, is going to go out with anyone else… if they don’t get back together. Adults break up and go out again. Plus, if they were to go out with anyone they would ask for Taylor and Austin’s approval.

  • Narissa Swifty

    Taylor Swift wont write a song like that, she is a sweetheart after all

  • Jazmine

    Sources are true, and Taylor is writing songs about it. It’s her way of dealing with the pain. Honestly, how would you feel if you were Taylor and Austin? After all these years, your parents tell you that they’re separating? That has to hurt, badly. The song spoof really isn’t funny. Taylor is an amazing artist, and honestly she’s an amazing person in general. She’s going through a rough time already, and people making fun of her for being emotional of the fact that her parents are splitting is really immature. Taylor needs more support, and less hate right now.

  • Tracey

    Worst. Spoof. Ever. I mean really. At least set it to the tune of another song or mix up the lyrics or something. gosh that was horrible. And really you don’t know anyone with divorced parents? Im guessing that was also sarcasm. tho it’s unfortunate that the best part of your article is in the comments.

    Maybe it’s time to consider a new career because this was a low point by even crushable.com standards.

    • Jenni Maier

      But what do you think is our lowest point?

  • emily h

    I have been the recipient of “Jenni’s” humor, and attempting a retort is like goading an innocent. One walks away feeling like a bully.