Well, it didn’t take long for the anonymous sources to start spilling their secrets on The Kristen Stewart And Rupert Sanders 19-Year-Age-Gap Cheating Scandal of 2012. And this time it’s People Magazine that got the tip into their “I’m semi-related to a celebrity, but I feel no loyalty to them, so I’m really into sharing all their secrets in your nationally printed magazine” hotline.
A source tells them Kristen Stewart did not mean to cheat on Robert Pattinson. You see, she was talking business with her Snow White and the Huntsman director when she tripped and fell into him. With her mouth open. Like we all haven’t been there, done that, accidental make-out sesh. I mean, I’ve actually had it worse. One time I tripped and fell and ripped all my clothes off. Whoops! Accidental sex sesh!
“Kristen is absolutely devastated,” says one source. “It was a mistake and a complete lapse in judgment.” The hookup with Stewart’s Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders occurred recently, the source says. ”She wasn’t having an affair with Rupert. It was just a fleeting moment that shouldn’t have happened,” says the source. “She never meant to hurt anyone. She’s a good person who just made a bad choice.”
Ohhh, just one of those fleeting moment affairs. Now we’re having sex, now we’re not kind of thing. I follow. I also follow the logic that she’s a good person who just made a bad choice. Her bad choice not being cheating, but being caught cheating publicly. For a global superstar, you’d think she’d be able to sense when she’s in the presence of Harriet the Spy’s super long zoom lens. But alas, her fleeting love affair dulled her senses.
And on a complete sidenote, what do you guys think about naming my children Anonymous Source and Insider Tipster. Every time someone talked about them, they’d be all like, “you’ll never believe what Anonymous Source said to me today. I didn’t believe it at first, but then Insider Tipster confirmed everything. We are having leftovers for dinner!”