• Mon, Jul 23 2012

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Everyone Has Jobs, Even Porn-Star-Esque Melissa Gorga

It’s another Sunday filled with some Jersey lovin’! And I’m obviously talking about The Real Housewives of New Jersey! This week, everybody is working on their careers, including the kids. Lauren Manzo is checking out some vacant places when we get an AMAZING flashback feaurting HBIC Daniele Staub. This season has been kind of “meh” to me, so when I saw Ms. Staub on my television, I almost had a heart attack. With that, Caroline offers to rent out this space for Lauren to open a hair salon? A boutique? Jacqueline decides to help Lauren out because she’s more beauty-savvy than her mother, Caroline. They go over samples and things that she would put in her makeup store, and then Jacqueline orders a Screaming Orgasm and proceeds to get drunk. Super professional. That’s how they do it in Jersey, folks.

Melissa Gorga is getting primped up for a photo shoot and her daughter is being very adorable. She corrects her mother that she is not in fact a princess because princesses have crowns. Duh, Melissa. During the photo shoot, she’s “putting on the porn star attitude” as advised by her wonderful and not-pervy-at-all husband, Joe Gorga. He also makes mentions to “owning” his wife, which is super normal and non-caveman-like. Despite all his nonsense, I still love that man, so sue me. Anyways, Melissa is being sexy and all that jazz, and I am super bored by the whole thing. Yawnalicious.

And speaking of all things “-licious”, Teresa Giudice is getting ready to do another book signing! The line is literally out the door for the singing of her new cookbook Fabulicious. Joe Giudice is there being super supportive AKA drinking in the back and kind of being a jackass. It’s clear that Teresa has kind of become the breadwinner of the family and Joe has taken a backseat. Kathy and Rich Wakilie show up to the signing to show their support for their cousin. Kathy wants to make it a point to show Teresa that she cares about her and wants to support her. The two begin to go through some of the recipes as Kathy keeps saying, “Oh! My mom’s cookies! My mom’s dish!” This clearly pisses Teresa off and claims that all those are her mother’s. Passive-aggressive comments FTW!

All the women come together for Kathy’s taste-testing party. She wants to get people involved by giving people food and then allowing them to tell her what they think! I think she’s right to do this! What a great way to get feedback. Teresa shows up last and debates with some random chick named Linda about if she’s going to confront Kathy about “stealing” her recipes. Teresa is being kind of cold and annoying and fake with everyone as per usual. She and Jacqueline have an awkward exchange about the upcoming RV trip and Teresa’s new book. Caroline watches in horror. Can Teresa go anywhere and not start trouble? She just brings the negativity everywhere she does. It’s exhausting to watch so I can’t imagine how all the people around her feel.

The episode ends with all the Jersey men chatting about the RV trip over some dinner. Joe Giudice brings over two bottles of alcohol (along with his own personal driver…can someone explain to me how they can afford that?), and he starts talking about their wives’ feuds. They all decide that they’re going to try and give their wives pep talks on how to get along, but Joe Giudice wants none of it. As the other men try to explain where they’re coming from, he puts up a wall. Chris Laurita explains that Joe thinks he’s the best at everything and is convinced he’s right about everything. It’s impossible to get through to a person like that.

They discuss the RV situations and how the two Joe’s are going to be in the same vehicle together. Joe Giudice makes some douche remarks towards Joe Gorga, and things get a bit heated. Joe Giudice gives Joe Gorga a friendly reminder of how much he has done for his brother-in-law, basically throwing any favor he’s done for him back in his face. Definitely not something family does to one another. The men just go back and forth, and slowly, they started to remind me of the Jersey women. God help us all.

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