From a basement in Bismarck, North Dakota, a woman logged into her Hotmail account and blasted out the following message to all the women she knew.
“Warning: NBC’s new show, The New Normal, will destroy your marriage, your country and your chance at getting a room on the all-white floor of Heaven!!!” 90% of those emails went into the spam folder. But 10% got opened. And that’s why I’m here today telling you about the latest way that primetime television shows are tearing about the moral fabric of our society.
You see, Ryan Murphy’s new show, The New Normal is about a gay couple who want to be parents. Which is gross. Because c’mon. Two men raising a baby. That’s gay. And I mean gay, like stupid.
As you might have guessed One Million Moms is involved. Although as Ellen DeGeneres, once pointed out during her JCPenney feud with them, their Facebook group only has 48,000 members. But I suppose One Million Moms sounds a lot more scary than 48,000+ Moms. If One Million Moms showed up one your film set chanting “KILL THE BEAST!” you’d be scared. If 48,000 did, you’d probably just laugh in their faces. All 48,000 of the faces.
So yeah, our favorite bigots are baacckkkk. And despite the fact that half of them are now divorced due to the disgusting fact that JCPenney allowed Ellen DeGeneres to be their spokesperson, they’re just as determined as ever to put the ‘Murica back in America.
And they’re doing this by releasing patriotic public statements like this one:
“NBC is using public airwaves to continue to subject families to the decay of morals and values, and the sanctity of marriage in attempting to redefine marriage. These things are harmful to our society, and this program is damaging to our culture. Millions of Americans strongly believe that marriage should be between one man and one woman. NBC’s The New Normal is attempting to desensitize America and our children,” One Million Moms exes said in a statement.
Clap. Clap. Clap.
Finally, a group of people who care enough about our children to say, “stop, I want my children raised in ignorance and I want to not fight with them over the remote, because parenting’s like really hard and it’s not fair that I have to constantly police everything they watch. No one told me it would be this challenging. So it would be super neat if NBC could just do my parenting for me and cancel this show.”