I feel like Sean Penn, Josh Brolin and I just walked in on the end of an all-night crazy, stupid, but loving sex session between Gangster Squad co-stars Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling. The sexual tension emanating from this newly released poster’s so strong that I worry that if I look directly into their eyes, I’ll get pregnant. Just like that.
So needless to say, I’m typing this up with condoms on my fingers. Why take any chances?
Especially when their smoldering stares are just a great reminder that these two co-stars have had movie-sex together before. They can’t even be on a poster together without pulling off some side-eye with a hint of “maybe later.”
The highly-anticipated movie about cops fighting gangsters in the semi-olden days comes out on September 7th. Because Hollywood law says that Emma Stone and/or Ryan Gosling need to star in a movie every single month. Otherwise, at the stroke of midnight on the movie-less month, everyone’s face lifts will come undone. It’s scary, but it’s true.
And don’t even ask me what happens if Hollywood goes two months without putting out a Stone/Gosling film. Because that involves the Kardashians reproducing and churning out a child that looks just like Bruce Jenner — complete with drawn-on eyebrows and pierced ears. The horror!
Luckily for us, Hollywood is on the ball and Emma Stone as well as Ryan Gosling are both set to star in approximately 17 more movies each this year. You know, they’ll film those in between giving charming interviews, saving people from being hit by cabs and other activities that will make you love-hate-envy them even more.