It finally hit me on this week’s episode of Pretty Little Liars. A is Tom Cruise. Think about it! A is everywhere. Not just in Rosewood, Pennsylvania, but also in Montecito, California. Where is Montecito? NEAR LOS ANGELES, THE LOCATION OF SCIENTOLOGY HEADQUARTERS. What powerful being is always one step ahead (with the exception of being blind-sided by divorce) other than Tom Cruise?
Who else could create a plot so complicated that would lead to Spencer finding a clue to A that ends up getting Garrett out of jail? Tom Cruise has enough Scientology minions to pull this off. Who else could afford for an expensive eyeball replacement surgery for Jenna? Her parents totally couldn’t foot that bill. Who else could arrange for Ali to take flying lessons with that guy from last season? Tom Cruise definitely has a private plane. Who else would kidnap a therapist? Um, Tom Cruise doesn’t believe in therapy and depression! Don’t be so glib. Who else could it be?! You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!
But really, it has to be Tom Cruise. Because I can’t come up with a logical explanation for A’s fuckery. Last week I thought we were getting somewhere, although it made me question my life choices. And yes, I did eat that entire pack of Oreos while watching Harry Potter last week. Now I am sans Oreos and sans answers. On the plus side, I’m almost done with my re-watching of Dawson’s Creek soooo there’s that. Really exciting stuff, I know. My day job entails me working as a receptionist at a spa, and you know what I think about? I imagine someone coming into the place with a black hoodie and they’re A and I catch them and I become BFF with Aria, Emily, Hanna, and Spencer. Because that’s normal.
I also found myself yearning for something simple while I was watching Ezria (Ezra+Aria) lounge around in his apartment. I would love to have a hot guy with a swanky place who wants to walk around in his pajama pants and stash thousands of dollars in cash in his sock drawer. Is that too much to ask? Guys, you don’t need a bank account! You just need an ungodly amount of money that makes us wonder if you received the reward for knowledge of a dead body or some other sketchy activity. Once again, Tom Cruise has the money to set this all up.
Honestly, ABC Family pissed me off this week because I haven’t learned much of anything. Bunheads was another hour of my life I won’t be getting back, and this week’s PLL leaves me with more questions than ever! But I am actually interested in what’s going on, which I can’t say for the former. I just want us to actually get somewhere. Stop messing around and let’s see something crazy happen!
Oh and by now, this post is probably flagged by Xenu. I’m most likely going to be followed by a Scientology-issued Escalade on my way to work. If you don’t hear from me next week, assume that Tom Cruise has kidnapped me and is auditioning me to be his next wife.
(Photo Credit: Pimpom)