Forget the haters because today’s headlines prove that Kristen Stewart made it in Hollywood! Real serious journalists all over the world are starting to question her new curvy figure that appeared at Comic-Con and wondering how it go so curvy, so quickly. Curvy, of course, being a polite ladylike way of saying, “damn that girl got some new boobies on her.” As we know, a boob job accusation is the final step in a long hazing process from the press.
After that blows over it’s all smooth sailing. Oscar-nominated movies, Playboy spreads, photographed lunches with Taylor Swift, cameos on Glee and staged relationships with Bradley Cooper. The sky is the limit after you survive the “boob job?” headline stage.
And while we’ll never find out if she really got a boob job, expect several unrelated plastic surgeons to weigh in with their opinions over the next few days. Because when a young actress shows up on a red carpet with cleavage, it’s time to drop the scalpel and make a statement. That non-famous person on the hospital gurney can wait. Us Weekly needs a quote and they need it now.
So expect lots of stories like the following Hollywood Life one to start popping up today:
Kristen Stewart has gone from a ‘large A cup to a large B cup,’ which is ‘most likely the result of a breast augmentation,’ two plastic surgeons tell ‘Star.’ Do you think Kristen went under the knife?
Oh and then expect some mild-mannered woman in the comment section of a blog to be like, “maybe she’s wearing a new push-up bra…” — and for everyone to shut that woman down. Because it’s far more fun to say things like “K.Stew goes under the knife to give Robert Pattinson news boobs to play with”