• Mon, Jul 16 2012

If This Blind Item About Jon Hamm Cheating Is True, Then There’s No Hope For Any Of Us

Ugh. Talk about upsetting news that’s based on rumors and hearsay. Our Debbie Downer friends over at Blind Gossip just reported that there’s an extremely likeable actor out there who we shouldn’t like because he cheats, a lot. And everyone’s guessing that it’s Jon Hamm. Say it ain’t so.  Seriously say it ain’t so because he’s the one last hope I had that good-looking, talented, funny and monogamous men exist in the world. Hate to sounds like a Cathy comic, but ACK!

According to Lainey Gossip, the following is the official word on the street:

He was the one we trusted who can’t actually be trusted. He used to be my answer to the question – is there anyone in Hollywood who DOESN’T cheat? Yes, I’d say, and excitedly too! Art does not imitate life! He’s faithful!

Well, no. He isn’t. He hits on the young funny pretty ones at parties. Very typical behaviour – he loosens up with a few drinks and he turns into a pig; two of his more famous targets, both under 30, turned him down. He did however spend a few nights with a frequent co-star, over 30. They’ve worked together on major and minor projects.

As for his long suffering partner? The woman we thought was the love of his life? Well, sometimes when he gets drunk and smears himself all over other ladies, she’s actually right there. She turns away. She pretends she doesn’t see. Which… kind of explains why she looks the way she does. That said, it is a partnership. It’s not like she’s getting nothing out of it. He has used his influence to help her, certainly. Perhaps she’s decided it’s worth it.

An actor cheating on his partner is nothing new and doesn’t make for the most intriguing blind, sure. But like I said earlier, he was the one who was supposed to not be like the others. He’s the one who’s enjoyed almost unanimous popularity. And he turned out to be the cliché. I was surprised about this one. And very, very disappointed.

So why did everyone break my heart by guessing it’s Jon Hamm? Let’s run through it step-by-step and analyze it. And overanalyze it. And hopefully come up with another potential candidate.

1. “Art does not imitate life! He’s faithful!”

Jon Hamm plays Don Draper on Mad Men. Need I say more? Yes? Okay, Don Draper is a notorious philanderer on the show.

2. “he loosens up with a few drinks and he turns into a pig”

Hamm=ham=pig. It’s simple math folks.

3. “As for his long suffering partner? The woman we thought was the love of his life? ”

Jon Hamm has been with actress Jennifer Westfeldt for years. But they’re not married. They’re partners.

4. “That said, it is a partnership. It’s not like she’s getting nothing out of it. He has used his influence to help her, certainly. ”

Remember their movie Friends with Kids? I hope so, because it just came out this year and it was actually pretty good. Minus some unrealistic-sized NYC apartments.

5. “But like I said earlier, he was the one who was supposed to not be like the others. He’s the one who’s enjoyed almost unanimous popularity.”

Everyone LOVES Jon Hamm. I do. You do. My mom does. Your mom does. He’s the epitome of an actor with unanimous popularity.

So there we have it. Five facts that lead everyone to believe that this is about our boy toy Jon. Five facts that lead me to just give up, sign up for ChristianMingle.com and call it a day. Because if Jon Hamm is an asshole, then there’s no hope for the rest of us normals to find a good guy. Wah, waahhhh.

Just kidding. I still believe good men exist. Like Jason Segel and Ryan Gosling and Rob Schneider. They’re replacing Jon Hamm  in my heart — and on my Pinterest “men I’d kill to sleep with” board.

(Photo: WENN.com)

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  • Joey RaptorClaw

    Hi Jenni. Cool article but wasn’t their movie was “Friends with kids”?

    • Jenni Maier

      Yes! Just fixed that mistake.

  • http://www.facebook.com/debbie.niemeyer Debbie Niemeyer

    If this makes HammLovers put a little pep in their step: http://www.dweebisis.blogspot.com/2013/02/hot-celebrities-with-unattractive.html

    • http://www.facebook.com/debbie.niemeyer Debbie Niemeyer

      Of course, I’m horrible.

  • Think twice

    How do you know Ryan Gosling is a good guy? Think twice, girl.

  • Driver

    Confirmed – Hamm frequently hangs out in Hell’s Kitchen dives with Rudd and Giamatti – I used to see them at McCoy’s often. He slept with a college girl I knew (about my age so class of 2010, 23/24 year old) on the roof of my buddy’s high rise apt a block from there. With typical Draper charm, he insisted on leading her the one block home through the “dangerous” neighborhood (probably didn’t want to wake the misses at his own apt.). A true method actor – an art we’ve lost respect for over the years. Bale would be proud of his dedication. The look in his eye as he desperately racks his soul for any inkling of remorse when Betty confronts him for fucking around… It. simply.Is. Not. There. Funny stuff, stand up guy.