Ugh. Talk about upsetting news that’s based on rumors and hearsay. Our Debbie Downer friends over at Blind Gossip just reported that there’s an extremely likeable actor out there who we shouldn’t like because he cheats, a lot. And everyone’s guessing that it’s Jon Hamm. Say it ain’t so. Seriously say it ain’t so because he’s the one last hope I had that good-looking, talented, funny and monogamous men exist in the world. Hate to sounds like a Cathy comic, but ACK!
According to Lainey Gossip, the following is the official word on the street:
He was the one we trusted who can’t actually be trusted. He used to be my answer to the question – is there anyone in Hollywood who DOESN’T cheat? Yes, I’d say, and excitedly too! Art does not imitate life! He’s faithful!
Well, no. He isn’t. He hits on the young funny pretty ones at parties. Very typical behaviour – he loosens up with a few drinks and he turns into a pig; two of his more famous targets, both under 30, turned him down. He did however spend a few nights with a frequent co-star, over 30. They’ve worked together on major and minor projects.
As for his long suffering partner? The woman we thought was the love of his life? Well, sometimes when he gets drunk and smears himself all over other ladies, she’s actually right there. She turns away. She pretends she doesn’t see. Which… kind of explains why she looks the way she does. That said, it is a partnership. It’s not like she’s getting nothing out of it. He has used his influence to help her, certainly. Perhaps she’s decided it’s worth it.
An actor cheating on his partner is nothing new and doesn’t make for the most intriguing blind, sure. But like I said earlier, he was the one who was supposed to not be like the others. He’s the one who’s enjoyed almost unanimous popularity. And he turned out to be the cliché. I was surprised about this one. And very, very disappointed.
So why did everyone break my heart by guessing it’s Jon Hamm? Let’s run through it step-by-step and analyze it. And overanalyze it. And hopefully come up with another potential candidate.
1. “Art does not imitate life! He’s faithful!”
Jon Hamm plays Don Draper on Mad Men. Need I say more? Yes? Okay, Don Draper is a notorious philanderer on the show.
2. “he loosens up with a few drinks and he turns into a pig”
Hamm=ham=pig. It’s simple math folks.
3. “As for his long suffering partner? The woman we thought was the love of his life? ”
Jon Hamm has been with actress Jennifer Westfeldt for years. But they’re not married. They’re partners.
4. “That said, it is a partnership. It’s not like she’s getting nothing out of it. He has used his influence to help her, certainly. ”
Remember their movie Friends with Kids? I hope so, because it just came out this year and it was actually pretty good. Minus some unrealistic-sized NYC apartments.
5. “But like I said earlier, he was the one who was supposed to not be like the others. He’s the one who’s enjoyed almost unanimous popularity.”
Everyone LOVES Jon Hamm. I do. You do. My mom does. Your mom does. He’s the epitome of an actor with unanimous popularity.
So there we have it. Five facts that lead everyone to believe that this is about our boy toy Jon. Five facts that lead me to just give up, sign up for ChristianMingle.com and call it a day. Because if Jon Hamm is an asshole, then there’s no hope for the rest of us normals to find a good guy. Wah, waahhhh.
Just kidding. I still believe good men exist. Like Jason Segel and Ryan Gosling and Rob Schneider. They’re replacing Jon Hamm in my heart — and on my Pinterest “men I’d kill to sleep with” board.