• Fri, Jul 13 2012

Snooki Names Her Baby Alliteratively, Preparing Him For Life Of Porn Stardom

As Snooki has grown ever larger with child, it’s been fun to try to guess what absurdly stupid thing she’s going to name her child. Sir Pickles Honeybottom? Pickle-ina? Jiooki?

Well, the wait is over, and guess what? It’s actually something pretty normal, albeit very obviously trying to broadcast Italian-ness: Lorenzo. Or rather, it seems normal until you look at what the baby’s full name will be: Lorenzo LaValle.

Seriously, Snooks? Do you want your son to grow up to be an adult entertainer? Because I’m not sure what else he could be with a name like that. Most people take on porn names when they enter the business. Young Lorenzo will have to take on an assumed name if he wants to do anything else. What’s the formula for creating your “accountant name”? He’ll figure it out if he knows what’s good for him.

I get it that you wanted something Italian, because you are on a secret mission to destroy the image of Italian-Americans in the eyes of the world forever. Fine. I can think of a million and one other names that are just as Italian but not as pornographic. Then again, reality TV names and porn names are not all that different. (One of many similarities.) So maybe you just want him to follow in your footsteps.

(Via USA Today)

Photo: WENN.com

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  • koolchicken

    Wow! This has got to be the most offensive post I’ve read in a long time. Now I’ve never seen this girls show and I don’t care for her (based on what I’ve heard). But to critizise such a normal choice for a baby name calling it a porn star name is outrageous. I was actually considering the name Lorenzo myself, I discounted Vincenzo as its my cats name. My brother is named Marcello, and if you think that’s bad you should hear some of the other names in my family. Is it really so bad to think that she plans to give her child a traditional Itallian name? After all this child going to be Itallian. This whole post seems bigoted and anti-Itallian.

    How would you feel if someone made fun of your name, it’s Jamie right? Let me guess, your father really wanted a boy.

  • Via

    …What is the problem here?

    You made me expect something like “Lorenzo Ladylove Longdong LaValle”. Lorenzo LaValle is a perfectly normal name.

    • Via

      And actually, I seem to have forgotten (possibly because my name has not doomed me to a life of porn-stardom), my initials are MMM.

      Now if initials like that (“Just call me Mmmmmmm, baby!”) wasn’t my ticket to porn, I doubt this kid will have a problem.