Remember that time Jennifer Lopez divorced Marc Anthony last year and no one cared? So does she. Which is why she’s jumping on the very popular Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise divorce bandwagon in an attempt to snatch herself a few headlines. Because if Suri Cruise and her cult of Scientology continue to get more press than her, she’ll do something drastic. Like remind everyone about Gigli and her love affair with Ben Affleck. Jealously’s an ugly color, even on J.Lo.
So she called her publicist and was like “get me on Entertainment Tonight stat! I have a lot to say and surprisingly, it’s not 100% about me. So just do it!” And her publicist obliged. Not because she likes J.Lo, but because she’s always holding out for another Selena movie and thinks if she can make J.Lo happy once, just once, she might slip on that purple onesie again and sing “Dreaming of You.”
And before we knew it, J.Lo appeared on ET making the following statement for no reason.
The singer and actress told Entertainment Tonight: ‘I heard about it when I was in South America and I was stunned.’ And the 42-year-old says following her split from husband Marc Anthony last year, she can relate to the heartache the actors are going through. She explained: ‘I’m sad for them. They’re both really lovely people, and just like Marc and I, it’s not what you want to happen. You fight and you try until you realise you can’t anymore.’
Until she goes on to say that she can relate because of her and Marc. Unless she’s going to confess to being a secret scientologist who’s children’s paternity is constantly questioned due to her husband’s own questionable sexuality, she really can’t relate to this situation.
This isn’t a run-of-the-mill divorce. No, this is the divorce of the decade. And I think we all know that Katie isn’t heartbroken. She’s free! So sorry, J.Lo. Try again during the next celebrity scandal. There’s just no room for you to squeeze yourself into this one.
(Photo: Allison Dawn PR)