• Thu, Jul 12 2012

Katie Holmes Plans To Change Suri Cruise’s Name To Something Less Scientology-ish

Just when you think the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes divorce couldn’t get any weirder, they throw another curveball at us. It’s like a fun house of news stories where every room holds new delightful information designed to blow our minds.

Don’t look into the room of mirrors on the left, Bella Cruise sits in there all day chanting spells to rid her mother of evil and witchcraft while Chris Klein runs paternity test after paternity test.

So while Tom Cruise allegedly has gay sex all over town and Nicole Kidman allegedly starts a “I Regret Marrying Tom Cruise” support group, Katie Holmes allegedly tries to change Suri Cruise’s name to something more normal — like Scout Holmes– to rid her of all scientology influences.

Because child psychologists always recommend changing your child’s name to help her cope with a traumatic divorce. Or so Octomom told me on the phone this week during our daily, “what’s the best way to make sure your kid is as screwed up as possible?” chat. She always has the BEST ideas.

According to legend (found in the actual hidden temple underneath the shrine of the silver monkey), Katie Holmes hates the name Suri and prefers the name Scout from To Kill A Mockingbird. I love a good literary allusion and I love To Kill a Mockingbird, but I do believe 6 might be a little old to change a child’s name.

Especially a child like Suri Cruise who’s one year away from Oprah-ing herself and never having to use her last name. Beyonce, Adele, Suri. She’s just one of those first-name-basis only people and it doesn’t seem fair to take that away from her.

But before we freak out and start throwing our Team Suri Cruise necklaces onto the streets, remember this is all alleged from a “source.” A source who may or may not be someone trying to stir up trouble. Like Harper Seven Beckham.

(Photo: Anthony Dixon/WENN.com)

 

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