You’ve all heard the urban legend (which he refuses to explicitly deny!) about Bill Murray hug-attacking some random person on the street and then saying “no one will ever believe you.” You may also have seen the video footage of Bill Murray serving people tequila shots–no matter what they’d actually ordered–at SXSW. And perhaps you’ve even read about his tendency to crash random parties thrown by 20-year-olds in Brooklyn. Hence, it’s at least a tiny bit believable that Bill Murray would embark upon a party-crashing tour of this great nation.
According to a dubious press release, Bill Murray will be hitting a whole bunch of American cities starting this coming August. “Mr. Murray is looking to take a vacation around the United States,” said his “agent,” Paul Horner. “He’s hoping that if he shows up to your party with a bottle of wine or vegetable tray, you will be able to make the proper accommodations for him. This includes allowing him to sleep on your couch or in a spare bedroom, both of those options being completely acceptable.”
But before you make the requested banner saying “BILL MURRAY CAN CRASH HERE,” you might want to look a little closer and see that Super Official News is a humor site, and also that Bill Murray doesn’t have an agent of any kind. Furthrmore, the number listed is not actually the Bill Murray Party Crashing Tour Hotline, but that of the Westboro Baptist Church, a.k.a. the “God Hates Fags” Church. (Which, judging from the busy signal I got when I called, probably has its hands full today.) Disappointing!
But that doesn’t necessarily mean Bill Murray won’t still crash your party, maybe. After all, it’s a major hobby of his. I’m not saying a large, welcoming banner and a karaoke machine will help your chances of having Bill Muray crash your party, but it’s hard to see how they could hurt.
And if you’re reading this, Bill Murray, please know that you are always welcome in my alcohol and karaoke-filled home. My friends and I have seen all your movies, but I promise we won’t act weird around you when we are raging together. For more info, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. We love you.