I’m trying to be mature and pretend like I’m really glad that the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes divorce was resolved so quickly, but I’ll be honest, I’m pretty disappointed. On the one hand, it’s great for the individuals involved, particularly Suri Cruise, because this means she won’t have to go through a long, drawn-out custody battle. She won’t have to watch her parents publicly fight it out, their words getting uglier and meaner as they publicly air their dirty laundry. But the fact that she won’t have to watch that…means that I don’t get to.
When the news of their divorce first broke, I feel like I was promised the fight of the century. The rumors were flying so fast that I felt sure something big was going to break. We were going to find out about Scientology, or that Tom Cruise was gay, or that Suri’s father was Chris Klein. But instead, they just…settled. What an appropriate word. Like a hot girl settling for the convenient nerdy guy who gives good backrubs, so too will the world have to settle for the wholly unremarkable Cruise divorce.
Except. A glimmer of hope on the horizon. Do you see it? There it is — Katie got full custody of Suri. What does that mean, you ask? Well in my gossip-mongering little head, it means that Katie has something she’s able to hold over Tom’s head, so at least one of those rumors must be true. I don’t know which one or ones, but think about it:
When Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise got divorced, Tom and Nicole originally shared joint custody of Connor and Isabella, their children together. But with Nicole’s popularity as an actress beginning to peak in 2004, the kids lived pretty much full-time with Tom as Nicole was often busy working on films. The summers were always reserved for her, though, until one summer Connor and Bella went to Scientology camp instead, beginning a rift that never fully healed. By this point, neither of them has even called Nicole ‘Mom’ in years. The two of them now live in a $30 million mansion and call Katie Holmes ‘Mom’. Or they used to, before the divorce.
On the other hand, Katie insisted upon and has gotten full custody of Suri, suggesting an extremely different situation. Tom has accepted the arrangement, on the condition that he get “meaningful, significant contact with his daughter.” I’m no mind-reader, but the differences in the custody agreements between these two divorces suggests to me that Katie has something significant on him that he knows better than to stir up.