Sorry guys! Keep your condoms in their packets. Superstar Emma Stone is actually not down to fuck you. Not today, not tonight and probably not any day. Unless you’re her boyfriend Andrew Garfield. If that is the case, this article doesn’t apply to you. Please refer to the earlier article, “How to Use Your Spiderman Costume to Ensure that your Girlfriend is Down to Fuck 7 Nights a Week.”
The actress exclusively told me (via an interview in Empire Magazine) that she’s tired of people quoting the DTF line from her breakout movie Superbad. Day after day, people are berating her with the incredibly forward question, “are you down to fuck?”
Which is ridiculous.
Because everyone’s DTF at some point. It’s whether they’re DTF with you that’s the real issue. And the answer with Emma Stone will always be a resounding no. Because she’s Emma Stone, star of The Amazing Spider-Man, and you’re…well, you’re just you. Sure you might be kind, you might be smart and you might be important, but you’re not ever going to see Emma Stone naked.
So if you ever get lucky enough to run into her in the grocery store or at an awards show, don’t waste your one opening line on a stale DTF joke.
Instead, stick to asking her even more personal questions. Like, what’s the weirdest thing Andrew Garfield ever tried to do in bed?