This is one of those moments when I’m so glad I’m not a celebrity. Not that it wouldn’t be awesome to be successful and well-known and getting paid to do what you love, but they get the weirdest effing stalkers. Case in point — crazed fan Quamine Taylor, 30, was arrested for breaking into P Diddy‘s mansion in the Hamptons earlier this year. He snuck in through an unlocked basement door and proceeded to spend almost twenty-four hours in the house before the police were called. During that time, he did a whole array of crazy, stalker-ish things like using Diddy’s toothbrush, smoking his cigars, drinking his Hpnotiq…and sleeping in his bed. So he’s basically the Gangsta Goldilocks. And what did Goldilocks eat while she was inside the fancy man’s mansion?
‘I brought a cheesesteak, a cheesecake, a bucket of fried chicken — which I ate at the house — and drank a ‘dollar’ bottle of Hennessy and four cans of Pepsi.’
Sooooo totally Gangsta Goldilocks. Case closed. But my real question is this — how is it possible that this guy was in a celebrity’s house for a full day until anyone noticed he was there? Granted, P Diddy wasn’t around, so I’m sure security was lower than normal, but still. He set off an alarm at 1:00am and the police were called, but he was somehow able to convince them that he was a member of Diddy’s entrouage, and allowed to stay on the property until he was discovered there the next day by a caretaker. Uhhhh…whoops? I’m assuming someone’s getting fired over this. Particularly because this wasn’t the first time Quamine Taylor, who has a history of mental illness, has done something like this. He was also arrested back in 2001 after cops found him intoxicated on Diddy’s property after going swimming in the pool. According to a statement from Quamine himself:
‘I’ve actually been going to the house from time to time since 2001…I stay there a lot, but Sean gets funny sometimes about me staying there…I really didn’t go to Diddy’s house because I’m a big fan of his. I just wanted to get out of the city for a while. I was actually hoping to stay like 15 to 17 days.’
I’m hoping to stay there for that amount of time, too. I wonder if I could convince his security detail that I’m like, his dog’s French tutor or something. I’ve always wanted to gargle with Diddy’s aftershave.