Last night’s fireworks are going to look like a sick joke compared to what I’m about to tell you.
While you spent yesterday pretending that you didn’t know that hot dogs are unhealthy and that American flag crop tops areÂ sacrilegious, Katie Holmes filed to make her divorce to Tom Cruise public in a supposed effort to protect Suri Cruise from Scientology. In the words of the immortal Ashelys, “SCANDALOUS!”
While I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I’m a lawyer, I am going to lay out some facts for you, mix in some rumors and call it a Speculation Spectacular.Then I’m going to ask you to treat it like the gospel truth and quote me like I’m an expert on “turns out my husband is gay and my daughter refuses to wear coats” divorce cases. Keep in mind,all the rumors and guesses that follow are allegations.
So here’s a fact: Katie Holmes wants her divorce to be public. Vikki Ziegler, a celebrityÂ divorceÂ attorney, spoke to Hollywood Life about what this means for the divorce proceedings.
â€śTypically, these cases are done in public court, but heâ€™s going to argue that it should be done in closed court. She probably wants it in public to apply pressure to him. She may be trying to force him to settle on her terms, because if he doesnâ€™t agree, she could make information public that could hurt his reputation.â€ť
Here’s a rumor: Katie Holmes walked in on her husband having sex with another man early on in their marriage and found out that he’s gay. (Here’s a blatant lie I just made up: Another time she walked in on him doing it with a botox needle. She looked at him with disgust and he looked back at her with no emotion. Not because he didn’t feel any, but because the Botox paralyzed his face.) While his male suitor’s completely unconfirmed, everyone’s guessing that it’s David Beckham. Â As in David Beckham, father of Harper Seven Beckham.
Back to the facts-ish. Katie Holmes deliberately filed to make her divorce public. Which means that she knows something about Tom that he doesn’t want getting out to the public. This is a clear threat to Tom and goes back to an earlier blind item that saidÂ Katie was saving a chip in her pocket to make sure Tom goes along with what she wants.
Remember that blind item we discussed the other day in our “Tom Cruise Might be Gay” expose, well just in case you didn’t tattoo it over you heart, here it is again.
Â This celebrity couple is close to a final agreement over how everything â€“ including the child/ren â€“ is going to be divided in the divorce. However, the wifeâ€™s legal team is having her keep one chip in her pocket for the divorce trial. If the husbandâ€™s team tries any last-minute maneuvering, the wife is not afraid to reveal an incident where she (along with their child/ren) caught her husband in bed with a family friend of theirs. The friend is a professional athlete.
So, if I do some basic math and put 2 and 2 together, I get 4. I also get more proof that there’s a lot more truth to these blind items than people want to believe. Maybe Katie’s chip isn’t a scandalous gay affair with an athlete, but it’s certainly something big enough that she’s willing to take her divorce public.
Or I guess what I should say is that, I hope you like the smell of dirty laundry, because she’s about to air a whole lot of it right in front of our faces. And I could not be more excited.